I'm just not sure I'm ready to welcome 2011 yet! Where has time gone?! I'm not sure if it's the weather, the cold, or the fact that I'm even closer to 30 than I'd like to be... but I'm just a little depressed lately. It seems like things are NOT going the way that I want them to.
I had so many great intentions for my 30 by 30 list... I have a couple of them accomplished, one or two more to blog about still, a few I'm working on still, and some I haven't even touched. I guess my big stress right now is that there are 2 or 3 on there that it seems like, no matter what I do, I'm not any closer to accomplishing them than I was in September when I started... and I feel like I'm never going to get there.
I don't want to be a cry baby or a whiner - but I'm seriously struggling here. I want to cry and whine even though I know it won't help. I'm trying desperately to find a new job! I've got to get a different job - my current job is going to be the death of me! I'm overly stressed, under paid, and for the most part I don't even like it anymore. It makes me so sad because I have loved this job for the past 6 1/2 years - but every day, I realize more and more how unhappy it makes me - How stressed I am - How much I dread going to work, checking my email, etc. - How I have NO LIFE but work... I can't live like this anymore.
Unfortunately, out of the dozens of resumes I've sent to places I've only had 2 interviews in the past 4 months. One where I was the company's second choice (how do you choose someone with 9 months of experience when you can choose someone with 15 years of experience - they chose 15 years). The other, a good friend of mine got me the interview - but the company isn't hiring a social worker right now, so that didn't really go anywhere. But, to this particular friend - you are the best! Thanks for looking out for me and giving a good word... You know who you are - and I know I don't say it enough - but you're the best!
Additionally, we've been married for almost 2 years - and yes, we've been trying to have babies the entire time but we need help to make it happen (if it is possible at all)... I know this, yet every time I am more than 5 days late (i'm currently 2 weeks late - and clearblue says that I'm NOT) - I get my hopes up... and then every time it happens a little part of me cries. I try to be brave and pretend it doesn't bother me and that I'm okay with it not happening right now - but truth be told - I'm terrified that it will never happen. I always thought i would have all of my kids by the time I was 30 - just like my mom did (the twins came 4 days before she turned 30) - but now I'm just hoping to have 1 by 35.
Travis and I have talked and decided that as soon as we have our debt paid off (besides student loans and a mortgage) that we will go see someone about it... Right now we are looking at late March/early April for having our debt paid off (it would have been sooner but my car ended up needing some seriously expensive work done last week)... And then we will see what happens.
I need to relax... I am sure things will happen when they are supposed to - but I'm getting a little tired of waiting. Patience is a virtue that I do not possess!
