Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Camp 2008

So last night I'm minding my own business at the Yong Women's activity when the YW Secretary asks to speak with me. She pulls me aside and asks if I've seen the pictures of Camp Shalom. I tell her no I haven't seen anything. She then proceeds to tell me that she heard from a very reliable source (a.k.a her husband - the bishop) that there is 6 feet of snow up there, the lake is frozen, and by the way, cars can't even make it up there. She then asked me if we were still planning on going to camp? Like I know! This is the first I've heard of that! So I get home and see an email from the Camp Director who said she heard there is a buzz about snow up there and the possibility that we may have to go in August instead.... AUGUST! Really? Really!

I decided to take matters into my own hand and email the director and other assistant. Quite frankly August doesn't work for me. Call me selfish but I have planned my entire summer around Camp and I'll be damned if I have to change my plans. Okay really, I have nothing planned but a few concerts - that are in August, and very important to me! But the reality is, August is the only break I will have from school and even still it's only a 3 week long break - then it's school stuff until I graduate next May - so I need my August!!!!

I figure, if we can't go to camp next week at Shalom - let's go somewhere else. Who needs to go with the Stake? They plan lame activities anyway. Ugh - I really have no idea what to do. The director said she doesn't even want to think about it yet because she's ending school and her daughter is graduating. Really? Like i'm not busy - I'm sorry but this is kind of a small crisis! Whatever! So we're going to go to a meeting with the Stake on Thursday night to find out the stake's decision on camp. We'll see what happens I guess....

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Born to Shop - Forced to Cook

I have become a complete stress case! Who knew that Girls Camp Preparation would be so overwhelming! Oh, but it is! Luckily I'm only an assistant camp director because if I were in charge - we'd be in deep trouble.

I think I had some misconceptions as to what it would be like as a camp director. I thought I would be in charge of the fun stuff, or the crafty stuff... Not food! If you know me at all - you know cooking is not my strong suit! And cooking for 30 people every day - definitely NOT my strong suit. But even still - I'm in charge of food. That's a HUGE assignment. I get anxiety when I start thinking about it. We go to camp in 10 days and I'm freaking out!

I had to price food last week to determine what we would eat and how much it would all cost. I seriously thought I was going to have a panic attack right in the middle of the grocery store! It was intense! But I had to go cheap on everything because the young womens president is quite the money nazi! Really! She wants me to feed 30 girls on $300.00 for the week - not likely!!! In any case - I'm cutting corners, going cheap, and paying for stuff myself to keep the damage at a minimum... It's frustrating!

So here I am, a week away from buying all the groceries and putting them in their respective coolers after I have sorted, chopped, diced, sliced, and cooked most of the stuff so the cooking will be at a minimum at camp... I hope I can pull this off. Otherwise I'll be one unhappy crazy lady at camp! I did buy myself a rather sweet apron that says Born to Shop - Forced to Cook. Partly as a joke - but also in all seriousness!!!

Other than the food part camp should be a great time. I'm in charge of the devotionals every day at breakfast and dinner, and the craft projects which will be super fun! I have to admit I am kind of excited. I tend to go a little overboard on the craft stuff. But better to be super prepared than not at all, cause who knows - we could be cabin bound with all the snow and rain. The men in the stake are going up next Saturday to dig us in and clean out the cabins and biffy's. Good times.

You know what makes me frustrated- when the boys tell us we aren't really camping cause we have cabins. You know what? Cabins are necessary because THERE ARE BEARS!!! Yes, we've had them join our testimony meetings on a rare occasion and since there is so much snow I'm not taking any chances. The cabins don't have electricity or running water. Now, tell me how we are not camping - and yet they are camping by going to Lake Powell and staying on a House Boat??? Make sense? NO!

Enough of my rants - Camp will be fun (repeat it with me) Camp will be fun, camp will be fun... I'm optomistic.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Better to lose a love than to love a loser!

Okay, maybe that's a little harsh right?! D is no loser - just an idiot!

We didn't end up meeting yesterday because it just didn't happen. Instead we met for lunch today. So I've been throwing out good thoughts to the universe hoping for some good in return of course! I met him and we had a nice little lunch and talked about superficial things. How's his family, how's mine? How is he, how am I. Stuff like that. We got out to the cars and I gave him the old license plates and he gave me a side hug - yes a side hug and said he'd see me later. I stopped him and said, "You know, my feelings for you have never changed - I still really like you. And it's apparent to me that you don't feel the same way which is fine, because maybe we aren't in the same place in life right now. It just sucks because I've been waiting for 8 months for you to decide you were going to call me and try again. But it hasn't happened and I'm not waiting around anymore because I deserve to be loved the way that I would have loved you." And then I got in my car and left. Crying of course.

So within minutes he had sent me a text saying "Geeze you seemed pissed. I never expected you to wait around for me. I'm sorry that was not clear." I told him I wasn't pissed at all, just more hurt than anything because when he said he wanted to try again, I believed him. Maybe I was just naive - but I wasn't pissed, I just didn't want him to see me cry. So he texted me back and said he was sorry and all I said was "You should be. You have no idea what you're missing out on."

Call me crazy - but I was so proud of myself! He should be sorry because damnit I'm a cool girl and a kick ass girlfriend! Not only that but I deserve better than that. I deserve to be treated well and adored. I deserve someone who wants to see me all the time and instead of being a coward and texting me an apology - someone who would actually call me at least. What do you expect from someone who breaks up with you over text right?! I should have known!

So the funny part is that I get back to my office and I'm crying to two of my friends telling them how bad I hate him - but still L him in the same sentance and my heart is broken and maybe his body language was telling me something, when I get a text with my horoscope for the day. Now, I'm normally not a believer - and to be quite honest I don't know how I ended up having my horoscope texted to me every day - but it says "Analyzing won't make things any clearer. The day is fuzzy." I'm a believer now! Maybe not a believer - but that was pretty weird.

I'll survive - don't you worry! It still hurts and probably will until I have a really good "girls night" or something. Good thing tomorrow I'm going for a Pedi. I need it! And now I am officially on a dating hiatus!

Monday, May 12, 2008

You were brave then... be brave now!

Yes I know - it's been a month and a half since I blogged - I've been busy so get off my case! Really I have been super busy and I will catch up with my blogness as soon as I can find the time. Right now I can't really sleep so I'm blogging away in my bed (Thank goodness for laptops)!

I am going to be brave tomorrow... very brave. The plan is to express my feelings and put my foot down at the same time. Cause I'm done! With what you may ask? Actually, if you know me well enough you know it's about D. I've decided I'm done waiting around. Not that I was actually waiting - but I kind of am in a sick way.

The plan is that tomorrow I'm giving him his old plates and he's giving me a spare to the car and then I'm going to tell him like it is. That I have feelings for him still - the feelings haven't changed. The thing is, it's been 8 months now (gosh I'm pathetic) and I haven't pushed or shoved or even made mention of the fact that HE said he wanted to try again. Even after further clarification (I'm not stupid - I know what try again means) - and he insisted he did want to try again.... still nothing. And I'm done waiting. I deserve to be loved by someone who will love me the way that I would have loved him. Is that so much to ask for? I don't think so. So that's it. I'm not waiting around - I'm officially moving onward and upward.

I'm not gonna lie though - it will hurt like hell! Anything involving feelings and the inevitibility that they will be hurt sucks but what other choice do I have. I was going to wait until I graduate next year (cause really, with my schedule who even has time to date) - but a friend of mine pointed out that next year is a year away, and a lot can change in that time. Who knows who I could meet and pass up because I'm waiting for one guy to pull his head out and realize that I'm a kick ass girlfriend and that his feelings for me are more than just lust (don't get me started on that one!). I just don't have the time or energy to wait around for that. Nor, do I deserve that!

So this is it. I'm being brave even though afterward I'm certain I will cry. Pray for me!