My Little Spencie

This is one of those posts where I'm not sure how to start... or what to write exactly... or anything really... But I feel like I need to get this out since it's been consuming my every thought for the 6 days...

I'm sure you remember my little brother Elder Spencer Doty - serving in the Belo Horizante Brazil mission?! Well, for the past few weeks he has been writing me every week and telling me how anxious and depressed he has been. I have been supportive and loving. I've prayed for him and I've sent words of encouragement. Last Wednesday, I didn't get an email from Spencie. I figured since it was Transfers week, I would hear something later in the week. That evening, my sister Melissa called me and asked if I had gotten an email from him and I told her no. She told me that nobody had, and that my parents had been called in to see the Stake President that evening. I knew it wasn't good and told her to call me as soon as she found out what was happening.

Late that evening my little sister Shayla called me and told me that Spencer's anxiety and depression had gotten worse and that the Mission President thought he needed to come home. My parents were going to talk with him in the morning and figure out what would happen. The next morning they called him and spoke with him and had determined that Spencer would come home as soon as possible. Unfortunately, as soon as possible isn't until Wednesday.

I can't tell you how many tears I have cried for Spencer. He will come home on Wednesday and will receive treatment for his anxiety and depression. He wants to be in Brazil so badly, but his anxiety and depression has made it nearly impossible for him to go on this way. He is planning on going back to Brazil once he has everything under control. We don't know how long it will take - but we know that he will get better. He is coming home for a good reason - and he wants to go back out. We will just see when that will be.

My heart aches for Spencer. I know he is scared to come home! Unfortunately, my family has experience with a returning missionary, when Brian came home from his mission after only 6 months. As much as we thought people would be supportive there were rumors spread about Brian and the reason he came home. They were all wrong - and eventually the bishop had to get up in Sacrament Meeting and tell everyone to stop gossiping and that Brian was home under the direction of a doctor. My parents spoke with their bishop and let him know that they wanted him to address the issue of Spencers return and stamp out any misconceptions before they start. I guess he talked to the ward on Sunday and let them know that Spencer will be home for treatment for depression. Unfortunately - some people hear what they want and have said inconsiderate things to my family. Spencer is a good kid and he is doing what is best for him right now. Why can't people just accept that?!

The past 6 days have been tormenting as I've prayed and cried and struggled to understand what I can do to help Spencer. The sad thing is, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. Should I be happy to see him? Should I be sad that he is here? I just want to be supportive because I love him! I'm hoping that when he comes home - he knows that we love him and care for him. I hope he understands that we will do whatever he needs to make sure he can get the help he needs and return to Brazil as soon as possible. He is such a wonderful kid! I hope others can see that and will be compassionate and loving and helpful and supportive.

I love you Spencie!