HELP?!

I am having a huge problem and typically I wouldn't turn to my blog for advice - especially since maybe two people read it! (Thanks Vicki and Sarah... it makes me feel special!) But I just don't know what to do - and I figure it's easier to vent it here than to anyone else really....

My husband is the most caring, thoughtful, considerate, non-confrontational man in the world. I, on the other hand am caring, occasionally thoughtful, considerate when I feel like it, and VERY confrontational. We are having problems with his parents! He called them the Saturday before Thanksgiving and asked them about a business proposition - and they wouldn't listen to him. See, Travis and his business partners applied for a small business loan so they can move to the "private" franchise sector of financial advise/planning. This will cost us about $200,000.00 to do and quite frankly we don't have the cash for that. The bank said that our credit was good enough, but that between the 3 business partners we don't have enough collaterol to use to back a $250k business loan. We have only owned our home since June, one of his business partners is a renter, and the other just bought his home in October. So - we were stuck. I told Travis that maybe we should talk to his parents. He said he would talk to his business partners about it. Travis' parents own a home up here in West Valley free and clear - they also own a home in St. George that they are paying a mortgage on. Their plan is to sell the home in the spring when they don't have to realize capital gains on it (which they are being entirely dishonest about and that's a whole other story that makes me angry) - so, Travis and his business partners talked, ran some numbers, and decided to ask Travis's parents to co-sign on the loan and use their West Valley home as collaterol in order to be able to finance the loan. In return, because they would be unable to sell the home during this time, Travis and his business partners would pay his parents $1,000.00 each month while they pay off the loan. That way his parents have some sort of payment for their help and Travis and his partners are able to go "private". It sounds like a win-win for everyone involved right?! Well, Travis talked to his parents about it and his dad wouldn't listen and said No. He said he knew we would come to him and ask for money, yada yada yada. Travis told him he wasn't listening and that he wasn't asking for money but his dad refused to listen. Travis was so heartbroken - if his parents didn't want to co-sign he didn't really care about that but he cared that they wouldn't even listen to him. Travis was so depressed about it and I told him to call his dad and tell him how he felt about it. On Monday evening Travis called his parents and told them how he felt about them not listening to him and not being very supportive of him and his career. Travis' parents retaliated with the fact that we had already ruined their "retirement security" by not purchasing their house anyway. Travis told his father that he thought it would be best for us not to go down to visit over Thanksgiving because it may be awkward. Travis's father responded very maturely and told him that if we didn't come down we would hurt his mother's feelings and would not be welcome to come down ever. SOO NICE right?! So, while trying to be "adult" about it, we went down and had a horrible time.

Ever since then Travis has been different. His hopes and dreams have been deflated by the fact that he can't go "private" and have a "way out" of his office job. He loves being a financial planner/advisor and is SO good at his job - he just needs this private thing to work out because he will have so much more freedom in the way he works with his clients! Now, he hates going to work. He dreads going to the office at 8:00 am and not getting home until 9:00 pm. He complains about how he doesn't get paid enough to be away from me for so many hours in the day (which is very true! Another benefit to being private is the company doesn't take their 70% off the top of whatever he makes - there isn't as much overhead which means, he gets paid better - but he is also able to be flexible about the payment that people make - he can extend payments, he can lower payments where he can't do that right now). He says that this may not be the career he wants to pursue anymore. He stressess about making his "quota" because if he doesn't do a certain amount of business he can be fired. He is such an honest man that he doesn't try and sell people things they don't want or need... Travis is not the same man I married - he's not the same man he was just a month ago either and I don't know what to do about it! He's depressed, deflated, he feels defeated and I just don't know how to help him.

As Christmas gets closer I have more anxiety about visiting with his family over the Holiday. I don't want to see them. I am refusing to take white trash family photos with them this weekend. I don't want to see them for our nephews birthday. I don't want to spend time with them at all - HECK, I don't want to give them the awesome Christmas gift we already bought them. I was a quiet wife who let her husband be treated like crap by his parents because I didn't want to interfere (and I didn't want them to hate me more than they already do) - but I don't think I can take it anymore! I love my husband and it kills me to see him so unhappy. I know he doesn't like fighting with them and he is trying to be the bigger person - he really is. But quite frankly, I am SICK of being the bigger person. Screw his parents - how dare they be so inconsiderate and not even LISTEN to their son. If they had really listened to his proposition and decided they didn't want to do that anymore - that would be one thing - but for them to not listen at all and make assumptions and then guilt us into spending time with them over Thanksgiving makes me furious! It takes every ounce of self control I have not to go over to their home and yell at them, and tell them how horrible I think they are! I haven't really gotten along with them anyway so it wouldn't kill me - but I know it would kill Travis.

I guess I just don't know what to do! I don't think we should have to spend time with them just because it's Christmas. We are our own family and should be able to spend the Holiday together without them. That being said, I want to spend time with my family over Christmas (I can't get enough snuggling from baby Conner) - but if it meant that we ditch out on Christmas day with my family too so as not to be unfair, then I would be okay with that too. Is it completely immature to NOT go to their house on Christmas? We are adults, and adults don't HAVE to go to anyones house right?! We don't have to do anything we don't want to.... but how do I tell his parents that?! And how do I convince him that we don't have to go - and shouldn't go? And, how do I get my husband to feel better about himself and his job? It is so discouraging to see him like this - it tears me up! Any suggestions would be appreciated!