Adios 2007

Typically when I blog - it's because I have something to rant and rave about - or at least to express my very strong opinions about. But this time - I just wanted to give myself an end of the year update....

It's been a LONG year 2007 has... I've lived on my own, and moved back home. Went from just working to working two and a half jobs and going to graduate school. Had bad relationships and one really amazing one (I'm hoping it comes back around again). The year has been full of ups and downs thats for sure! I have done a lot of self work and feel more comfortable with myself - and i'm happy about it!

Here are some things I've learned this year!

- It's okay to have feelings, and it's even more okay to share them with people
- I can do a lot more than I give myself credit for!
- If there is an opportunity to trip and make a fool out of myself - i'll probably do it in front of lots of people!
- I don't need a man to make me feel good about myself!
- If my family and friends don't like a guy - it's best to listen to them!
- Sometimes being a "J" is good - I just need to make sure I understand my fellow "P"'s
- I can live without 100 ounces of Mountain Dew each day
- Magic Erasers - really are magic!
- Sometimes it's okay to take a vacation!
- Nothing makes me happier than seeing my nephew smile and laugh when he sees me!
- If getting your hair done makes you feel better - get it done!
- TAKE TIME FOR MYSELF!

I guess the only thing to do now - is keep working on myself and hoping that 2008 is even better! I have a good feeling about it - I know it will be!

Damn Boys and their Damn Testosterone

Typically i'm so excited for Christmas! I love watching people open the presents I got them and seeing the look on their face - because let's face it - I'm a great gift giver! I try and be thoughtful and practical.... But this year I just didn't have it in me. My nephew just turned one and was so fun to watch open presents! I tried to play it off like I was disappointed I was getting one present - that I had literally bought myself and had my parents reimburse me for.... but in all reality it's far more than that! This Holiday was fun until the weekend before Christmas when someone I love dearly, admitted to contemplating suicide. Here's the clincher - I'm a social worker - and a damn good one at that! If it were a client - I would have known exactly what to do - there are protocols and policies on those types of things. However, it being someone I know well - I drew a blank! I had no idea what to do - so I did what I usually do when I'm at a loss - I got mad! Not mad, annoyed is more the word for it! I was annoyed - it was all that damn boys fault! Stupid boys and their stupid testosterone! Now i'm not just saying that because in my shady romantic past I've been hurt by boy upon boy and am now a man hater - No - I say that because I am convinced it's really his fault! At least a good portion of it is his fault! I don't believe you can be in LOVE as a teenager... I just don't! You can love someone, and have feelings for them, but you can't be IN LOVE with them! You don't know enough about yourself, or about life in general to actually be IN LOVE! In any case, whether she believes she is in love or not is not is not the problem... the problem is, this person she thinks she loves - is a toxic person! I know, just as well as anyone - that love is blind - but seriously - this blind? I know she doesn't see it - but the fact of the matter is - if your entire family - and all of your friends think this person is a bad influence ... doesn't that mean something? Advice for all bloggers.... if everyone in your life (family and friends) seriously despises the person you LOVE maybe it's time to take a look at yourself and how this person makes you act... and get rid of them! Who else wants the best for you if not yourself? Think about it.....

I throw a mean party!

Today was our office Christmas -er excuse me - Holiday party! We have been planning it for months and it went pretty well! I was very proud of the entire incentive committee.... We held the party at the Hard Rock Cafe this year and the best part was that it was free! Yep, free to all! Which was good for those of us who shelled out money to participate in activities during the year - and even better for those who didn't do jack crap during the year but benefited from an entirely free lunch! The annoying thing - is that so many of us worked hard to do office lunches during the year, and paid the $5.00 it cost to eat every two or three months when we had a party - but there are a few who didn't participate at all! Not only that - but we had to give the HRC a headcount on Monday so they would be prepared. 70 people RSVP'd to us and that's what we turned in - but we had 77 people show up today! Not a big deal except that we didn't have enough money to pay for 2 peoples lunches - luckily myself and one of the other ladies on the incentive committee had some cash so we could pay it all - I wasn't going to wash dishes because 7 people were so inconsiderate they couldn't take 2 seconds to email us their rsvp. ANYWAY - We also had small gifts for everyone - a nice loaf of bread from Dunford Bakery and a jar of Smuckers Simply Fruit Jelly - we bought out the Wal-Mart's entire supply! :) And a couple of people didn't get their bread and jam.... The part that irked me, is that there is one guy in particular who didn't participate in anything - and was downright rude when asked to participate - who was all butt hurt that he didn't get some bread and jam - so he asked if there was any extra for him and I said "sorry, but there's not". What else am I supposed to do? I guess I could've been nice and given him mine - but you know what - I personally shelled out over $100.00 myself for these parties throughout the year and I deserved the bread! Oh well, he was all butt hurt and pouted until someone gave him something. Grow up and be an adult! It has taken every ounce of my self control to not send out an email and thank everyone for coming and encouring everyone to participate this coming year - especially those who were able to benefit this year without participating (who needs to be an adult? I know right?!). Anyway - I figured I'd be nice and not do anything. So after dinner everyone got their loaves of bread and jars of jam and they left the HRC. Lots of people said thanks, and said they really enjoyed the party. I'm glad they enjoyed it - we worked hard througout the entire year to make it a success! Out of all 3 parties I personally planned and threw this year - I think this was was best attended (because it was free of course) and I'm glad people came! It was a great party - but I don't think I'll be doing this again next year! I don't have the energy anymore - it was an excellent party though!

People Amaze Me!

I am pretty cynical... Im not gonna lie! I guess that happens in my line of work - anyway - There is a guy at work who hasn't talked to me in over a year - he got angry with me for sticking up for him but I guess he was embarassed. In any case, he has ignored me for months - and our offices are next door to one another. Today he came into my office and asked to speak with me in private. I was totally caught off guard because like I said, a year! ANYWAY - He told me that he was impressed by an email that I had sent out to the building asking for donations from my co-workers, to help another coworker with Christmas - and said that he had a great idea. He said he works with a family who is looking to help someone with Christmas. He said they are extremely wealthy, and that they want to help someone who is deserving. He said that he knew who I was referring to in my email and that his friend would love to help them. He asked me to do some detective work and get some information about her children, their ages, and needs etc. I told him I would do it and let him know by tomorrow. The thing is - this guy has always come off as kind of a jerk - you know the type. I'm too busy to deal with you even though my job is to help... or I have better things to do with my time than deal with you... So I was totally caught off guard - but then again I'm so happy I could cry! This family is so deserving! I would buy them Christmas on my own if I could... but luckily, there are people in this world with the means and the desire to help those less fortunate than the rest of us. God Bless Them!

Common Decency

Today started out as any other Saturday would. Sleep in - chill in my jammies for a while - have breakfast - do laundry - endure band practice.... Yes, band practice. My little brother plays drums in a band and they practice at our house - in the shed to be exact. So - nothing is abnormal - I mean, they've had this band for almost a year now, and since the drums aren't exactly mobile - they practice at our house! The difference was - the neighbor behind us called and ripped us a new one! He said that he and his family had been putting up with my brothers "phase" for 8 months now and they're sick of it. And not only that - but lots of other neighbors are sick of it too and they need to find a new place to practice. Now, I can see if we had received numerous calls over the past year - but seriously - we've received ZERO!!! NOT ONE! Nobody has ever complained - wait, scratch that - the neighbor across the street complained that they didn't play more classic rock! But never another complaint. The police were called a few weeks ago and they came out and said that it wasn't that loud - afterall it's a garage band! Anyway, the boys moved it from the garage into the shed (which is attached to the back of the garage) and as a procautionary measure - they put carpet on the floor, the ceiling, and all the walls to keep the sound inside the room, rather than outside and it has been SO nice! But apparently the neighbors can't handle it - well, one of them at least. Normally I wouldn't complain because I know it's annoying and they aren't invested in the band at all - I'm not really either - but it's my brother and he did write a song about me.... But the thing that really pisses me off, is that they haven't said anything until now! Maybe it's because it's winter - or maybe he just had a serious herpes flair up.... I don't know - but as far as I'm concerned - he should grow up! If he has had a problem with it for the past 8 months why hasn't he said anything to us? Not one complaint - seriously! And not only that - but if "other neighbors" are mad about it too - why don't they say something to us, instead of talking about it to each other! What grade are we in? Oh right - we're all adults! Or so I thought! The sad thing is - immediately I wanted to just be mean and petty. We don't complain when their damn rotten apples fall from the tree into our backyard - No, we just pick them up and throw them away. We don't complain when their grape vines overtake our entire back fence.... we just tuck them over the the fence back onto their side. But who knows, maybe this year I will decide to cut the parts that hang over and spray the ends with Roundup. Or maybe i'll throw their rotten apples back over the fence - I mean, i've never complained about it in the 8 years we've lived here - but really - i'm on my last nerve and can't handle it anymore. It's time to get rid of the tree! Why can't people show some common decency and just talk to us about it before they get all pissed about it! I don't get it? We're not mean people - Okay, my parents aren't mean people - they won't be rude and sabotage your grapevines or apple tree..... Really, I'm glad the band has to rent out space somewhere else to practice because if I have to hear the song about D and I one more time - I'll have to strangle their singer! But let's be adults and talk about it before it really becomes a problem.... Seriously, it's just common decency!

PROUD!

I am so pumped! I just finished my first semester of graduate school! Ya know - It really makes me feel good about myself! It has given me confidence and I feel really empowered! Like i'm more in control of my life even though I've learned I really have control over nothing. I guess it's because I did a lot of self-work and with that came a lot of feelings and crap. I didn't use to be a big feeling type of person - but now I am pretty in tune with how I feel - and I want to know how others feel! I've also come to the conclusion that I'm just going to work on myself for the next year and a half. I don't want to have to worry about boys and relationships and stuff like that. I figure if I can work on myself and be happy with myself and the way that I am and the way that life is... I'll be happier in general - and then whatever happens - happens! If I never marry and have a family I'll be okay with that. Cause I kinda like myself - and I'm kind of a fun person to be with. I'll just have to get a dog - or a plant - like in 28 days! In any case - today has been a great day! I think i'll get good grades! I'll be busy as heck next semester - and part of me really stresses about that but another part of me feels like I can do anything and will just be better at prioritizing my life and my schedule! I just have to take care of myself first! If that means I have to get a pedicure occasionally - then so be it! Besides - having cute toes makes me feel better about myself too! It's like the feeling when you just get your hair done! You feel great and look great - I love that feeling! Maybe that's why I do it so often. I think after I do all this self-work for the next year and a half - I'll need a vacation. I think i'll go to NYC. I'd like to see Wicked and RENT - buy something nice at Tiffany's - go to China Town and buy purses from "the back room" - walk through central park - and do all those lame touristy things! I'll need a vacation - and I'll deserve a vacation! Afterall - I will have just finished a Masters Degree... and that's something to be proud of!

One down - Three to go

... And Yes I am referring to classes left in this semester! Thank goodness! My skin is itching non-stop with anxiety for the end of the semester..... or is it the dry skin from winter.... In any case - I am ready for this semester to end! Don't get me wrong - it's been great! I've learned a lot, done a tremendous amount of self-work, drastically improved my vocabulary and seen how things don't change from undergraduate work - to graduate level work. I mean really - if we're in graduate school we were likely in the top of our class in undergraduate right? But how do you not know how to make a valuable contribution to a group project???? It boggles my mind! This weekend I spent hour upon hour upon hour doing powerpoint projects because some people are stupid and don't know how to do them... some people are lazy and don't want to do them... and again, some people are stupid and don't do them to my standards. The old phrase still rings true - "If you want something done right - do it yourself!" Are we not all adults though? It is true that C's get degrees... but come on - I want a stinking A!!! I know I won't get an A in one class for sure - I'll have to survive with an A- which is somewhat a relief. I mean, now i've got an A- right? Now i'm not expected to keep up with a 4.0 GPA - it lessens the stress right?! No - not really! If I want to get my doctorate I've gotta keep my grades all up! Plus find a way to diversify myself. If only my parents hadn't been caucasian! Or at least named me something diverse sounding.... like Juanita. Oh well - I'll have to hope that my grades and killer personality get me in. In any case - I can't wait for the end of the semester! A whole month off will be so nice! I'll actually feel like I have a job again because I'll actually be at the office during the day rather than in class or at a practicum. The new semester will be nice too. I look forward to new teachers, new classes, new experiences and so on and so forth. This really is an exciting time in life for me! We will just have to see how things unfold for me......

...Whew...

Apparently I didn't ruin things! Luckily! I was pretty worried for a while there. I talked with D. earlier this week and he apologized for not getting back to me sooner and said that I wasn't really pressuring him - but that he felt pressure in general. I can live with that! We are friends now and that's where it stays for the time being. I'm completely relieved but seriously annoyed at the same time. Part of me wishes he would have just cut it all off to save myself the pain and agony of dealing with the unknown - but the other part of me knows how much I like the boy - and how I feel when I'm around him so I'm grateful for the hope... Damn hope! I haven't brought up hanging out although he did in a vague way. I guess time will tell - and let's be honest - I've got all the time in the world! Screw everyone and their opinions of unmarried girls in their late 20's... I'm getting my education and while I'll never make loads of money - I'll make a difference! And who knows if I would have been able to do that if things had been different... and I don't ever want to know if they would have. I am finally content!

Me and my Big mouth!!!!

I swear it's always getting me into trouble! I blame it on school! Let me back up - I had a heated texting conversation with D the other day. I asked how he felt about something he said fine but also said something that kind of annoyed me and when I asked about it further he said he felt like I was pressuring him... Me - pressuring him??? I don't get it! I'm not the pressuring type - I just need some stinking communication - is that so wrong? The problem is that I can't just get the feedback from him. I feel like I need to defend myself, and explain things - and find out why he feels pressured. The fact of the matter is - he feels pressured and I don't feel like i'm pressuring him... So I told him that I would leave it alone and if he wanted to talk he knew my number! I'm such a moron! Why did I do that? Who even knows! I wouldn't even be thinking about all this feeling and communication crap if I wasn't in school - and having to work on myself in order to learn how to work with people. It sucks! I don't want to be in touch with my feelings because then I want to know about other peoples feelings - and really - it's not my business how they feel. So when I find out - I get all butt hurt about it and then say something stupid! I always do that! So I felt horrible the entire night after saying that - I want to talk to him - I want to be friends with him... I shouldn't have said any of that! So I called to apologize and of course he didn't answer the phone - I can't say that I blame him - besides I was praying he wouldn't. It's easier to apologize over voicemail right?! WRONG! I need feedback - I've become obsessed with this feeling crap! I said I was sorry and that I asked for feedback and shouldn't have been rude when I got it. I apologized again and asked for forgiveness.... and I haven't heard anything else. Could I seriously have ruined everything because I can't keep my mouth shut? I guess time will tell....

My Very First Blog

I've finally done it - I've hopped on the blogging bandwagon... Why? For a few reasons I guess... In the near future I'll be having some rather large life changes - and I've gotta be able to vent somewhere. I'm not a journal writer but I can type like a maniac. Plus, it's nice to be able to just put things out into the universe... at least it makes me feel better!