updates...

Well, the end of March sucked as much as the beginning did. Travis was "let go" from his job on the 29th of March. I was kind of surprised - but not too surprised. It was a pretty darn strategic plan on his employers end. The company suspended he and his business partners for 30 days, and on day 27 they fired him. They told him they would fill out his U-5 when they got a chance, but they have 30 days to do so. I figure they'll take the whole time to do that - it gives the company 60 days where Travis can't contact his clients, and another month possibly before he could get a job after his license is re-posted.

Luckily, his U-5 was posted yesterday. He is still able to be in the financial advising field which is good for him. He loves it, and he is good at it. It's unfortunate that a lack of training and a full-on "witch hunt" cost him his job. But he is looking for a new job. When I say looking, I'm using the term loosely! He had a 4 hour long interview with a company a couple of weeks ago - and now that his U-5 has been posted, they should be able to make a decision. In the meantime, he waits.

I, on the other hand, work 2 jobs. I work all day, every day - and it never ends. School ends next week, but then I have to put in final grades and a week later - summer school starts again. I shouldn't be annoyed - but I am. Why put all your eggs in one basket? I would be sending out tons of resumes and making phone calls... not waiting on one possible job. Does it make me a bad wife that I'm frustrated and that my stress level has jumped from extremely high to impossibly high since the beginning of March? Yes, he is doing things around the house - cleaning the kitchen, laundry... not the bathrooms of course. But, I am having a hard time working at home because he is there. I love him, but I need my own space and some quiet (so i can rock out to my own music) while I work.

I am trying to be understanding, and respectful, and supportive - but it drives me nuts that he doesn't do things the way I would do them (in terms of finding a different job). Ugh, I feel like a horrible wife!

On the bright side - Spence left yesterday. He went to the Provo Utah Mission yesterday, where he will serve for 12 weeks and will be sent elsewhere afterward. He was SO happy to go! Of course he requested I make enchiladas for him on Sunday, and that we have Cheese Pizza on Tuesday night before he left. He is such a good kid! I'll miss him!

Sneak Peek...

My family did family portraits a couple of weeks ago - and this is a sneak peek of some of the pics - I'll show more when I get the disc from my mom! If you need a photographer - Heather Telford - is amazing! She did such a great job! And we LOVE the pics so far!

You know what they say about March...

It comes in like a Lion and Out like a Lamb....

Our March definitely came in like a Lion!!! This month has been so trying on me mentally and emotionally! Travis and I started out the month with the shocking news that he had been suspended from work for 30 days... There has been an investigation with Travis's business partners that I don't really have any details or information about other than the fact that it wasn't anything Travis did - He can't contact his clients - He's not working for 30 days - and he's afraid he will be fired. Such great news to hear right?! Travis is taking it much better than I am! I was in shock and didn't know what to do or say. When I saw him later that evening he said it was beyond his control so he wasn't going to worry about it. He is so much better than I am. I worry about it all the time - but that's how I am - I'm a worrier!

I picked up a third class at the end of February and have really gotten in to it this month - and it has been horrible! Teaching 3 classes is too hard for me to do, and to have my job as well. It just is a lot of extra work that I am having a hard time squeezing in. Not only that, but the students are SO rude and annoying! I never turned in assignments late - and I never argued with teachers about the grades they gave me! I don't understand how this is seen as okay for them! I'm your teacher and if I don't think your paper followed the requirements, and if I don't think it is an A paper - I won't give you an A. It's as easy as that! Oye! One student also tries to question me on everything I say, and tries to correct me as well - luckily, I'm kind of smart and I show up prepared so he doesn't get anything on me! Ha!

With the legislative changes that happened - I am trying to determine if I am going to be able to keep my job or not. I love my job - I love the individuals I work with and I'm not ready to move on yet. However, with the increase in caseloads that was approved I find myself questioning whether or not I can provide quality service to more individuals. And with the decrease in pay, I find my self really wondering if my difficult caseload is worth dealing with for the small amount of money I will be paid. I am trying to think outside of the box and find other things - but I love this population... More Stress...

On the other side of my job - my caseload is going crazy! I have clients running away, clients throwing tantrums, a million reviews, mountains of paperwork, Audits coming up, and the list goes on and on. No wonder I am stressed - I can't have even one weekend without a client calling because they're angry, or sad, or are running away, or whatever... I do love my job - I just wish my caseload would settle down!

We haven't really told anyone yet, but we are trying to get pregnant. The past few months have been spent doing ovulation tests and all that grand stuff - only to find out I'm just not ovulating at all, and we need help getting pregnant. Now we are at the point where we have to figure out who to see for help - what will our insurance pay for - how much can we afford to spend on fertility treatment - how far are we willing to go to have a baby and all of those other questions. We knew it was likely we would need help, this only confirmed it for us. Every time we find out we aren't pregnant, poor Travis has to deal with me. I'm getting used to it and am trying not to get my hopes up - but every month I get hopeful and then disappointed. Is it awful that I feel like less and less of a woman and wife every month that goes by? I guess things happen for a reason, we just have to figure out where to go from here.

On the bright side - we celebrated our One Year Anniversary this month! I can't believe it's been a year already! We have had a big year! We spent our anniversary weekend in St. George. 5 days doing absolutely nothing! It was so awesome! We didn't do nothing really, we watched Grey's Anatomy, we went out for dinner/lunch a few times, did some shopping, got in the hot tub... but really we just took the long weekend to relax and unwind from the stress of the month. It was a nice Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and when I tried to take Monday and Tuesday off as well - it didn't happen. I was emailing, calling, etc. people all day both days - so much for a nice long relaxing weekend!

This week Travis is in California for a business conference. This is the first time we have been away from each other since we started dating - and the first time I have slept alone since we have been married. It is so weird... Luckily, my husband is wonderful and texts or calls before and after the conference, and during their breaks. I miss him - and so do the dogs! They keep looking for him and kind of get annoyed with me when he never shows up! Sorry guys!

Travis is hoping to find out about the fate of his job by next week... The decision will either make or break me! Emotionally anyway - if you see me with big puffy red eyes and no makeup, with my hair in a messy ponytail... just know it didn't go well. I think I take these things too personally - but how can I not?! He is wonderful and stresses about me stressing about him - real productive I know!

So, after the month I've been having - you can see why I'm anxious for it to end! Let's hope it goes out like a lamb!

The Newbolds

Last night Travis and I had some friends over for dinner - the Newbolds.... boy do we love them! They are SO much fun! We had a great time with them last night! Dinner was yummy, Dessert was yummy, Rock Band was super fun, and Parker.... I just LOVE Parker! His laugh was KILLING me! He is such a cute and happy little guy - and his laugh made my day! It kind of make me a little baby hungry too... Dianne and Kiley - Come over ANYTIME! We had a great time! Oh, and if you ever need a sitter for Parker - Lucy and I would LOVE to play with him!

I put on my big girl panties...

As most of you know, I graduated in August of 2009 with a Masters degree in Social Work. After graduating with an MSW - you have to take a National exam to become a Certified Social Worker. This exam costs $175.00, is 170 questions, and 4 hours long. Good times right?! Not so!

I have horrible text anxiety so of course I didn't want to take it! Can you blame me?! You have to get a 70 to pass - and statistically speaking - Nationwide only about 70% of people pass it on their first try. Those are pretty good odds - but I was convinced I would be one of the 30% that had to take it again. I know of several people from my Masters Program who I know are MUCH smarter than I am - that didn't pass their first time. But, I also know several people who are not as smart as I am (boy do I sound arrogant) that passed their first time. So, I really didn't know what to do.

Around November last year I started toying around with the idea of taking the test. I pulled out all of my study material - printed around 500 pages worth of study guides - and borrowed study guides from other people.... and didn't crack them open until January of this year. Around mid-January I decided I had to be serious and take the test. The only way I would do that is if I scheduled the test and had it already paid for and then I would be forced to take it! So, I registered for the test.... A few days later I got my registration letter in the mail telling me that I was approved to take the test and that I should schedule a day and time to take it. So, I put on my big girl panties and called and scheduled to take the test on February 16th thinking it was over a month away and I would have plenty of time to study!

As the weeks passed leading up to the test - I tried to study, really I did. I made some flash cards, I took several practice tests, I read an entire study guide/manual, I studied between meetings in my car, I studied at home, I studied at UVU while waiting for my classes to start, etc. I felt like I was studying as best as I could -and amazingly, February 16th snuck up on me and all of a sudden it was here! I felt horribly unprepared for this test - I kept getting 68%'s on my practice tests! If I failed I would have to wait 6 months and pay the $175 again to take the test. Needless to say I was having tons of anxiety!

I decided to put matters into the Lord's hands and asked my dad and brother for a priesthood blessing - I just needed to be able to sleep the night before and be able to concentrate long enough to take the blasted exam! My ADHD was going to seriously impair my ability to sit still for 4 hours in order to take the test! The blessing was beautiful and I was told that I would be able to relax, and concentrate, and that I would be guided in taking the test as long as I was prepared.

That evening I did a drive-by so I knew where to go for the test, had some sleepytime tea and went right to bed. I fell asleep after about 30 minutes (which is really long for me) and slept soundly until the alarm went off! I got out of bed not feeling nervous at all - after my shower that was another thing. I had some oatmeal for breakfast and some tension tamer tea as well, and off I went. I registered for my test at 8:15 and started by 8:30. About two hours later I answered the final question on the test. I had to take a lame survey (no doubt intended to make you freak a little longer) and then a page popped up - I expected to see in giant letters You Failed, or You Passed. Instead, I had to read down half of the page to see where it said "Congratulations, You have passed the ASWB Clinical Social Work exam" Woot woot! I about passed out! You can't imagine the relief I feel now! It's amazing! So, it's official - I am a CSW now... in 2 years I will become an LCSW!!!

Therapy anyone? I'm cheap! :)

Eight days...

My little brother Spencer has been home for eight days now. He has started therapy already, and will see a psychiatrist for med management next week as well. He is such a good kid, and he is terrified. He is afraid that people are going to judge him because he is home. He tries to avoid people at all costs - he hates going to Harmons now, and doesn't want to go to his home ward. I know it's because of how awful the experience was when Brian came home early from his mission as well. People can be so mean. I know that some of the people in my parents ward have good intentions - but please - just stop! Let Spencer deal with the things he needs to deal with. Don't bug him about going back out - don't make assumptions - and don't pass judgment. It's interesting - in a church where we are taught to love people unconditionally and not to judge people - some of the members are prejudice, gossipy (is that even a word), and downright rude! Mind your own business people!

ANYWAY - other than that... things in my house are going... they aren't going well but they aren't going poorly either. They're just going. I'm still doing WW with my good friend Vicki - so that's good. She is definitely a great support. The Thursday night WW teacher is AWESOME and helps keep me from getting discouraged - and motivates me! It's nice! I'm still teaching at UVU. Tomorrow morning I have my first formal evaluation in the middle of the semester. It's a little scary - but it will be good I guess! This weekend is a nice long weekend - yay for Holidays! Travis and I will probably go out for dinner and to a movie for V-day. On Tuesday I have a big hairy exam to take. I don't feel prepared for it, but part of me thinks I'll never feel fully prepared for it. I asked Travis if he would be mad at me if I didn't pass the first time. (It's a $175.00 exam) He responded by saying "You're going to pass! And if for some strange reason you don't - it's just money." It made me feel a lot better - not great - I'm still nervous as heck. Boy has the anxiety been intense for the past 6 weeks! Also, I'm waiting to find out about a piece of legislation that will determine whether or not I can keep my job. It's been a long few days trying to figure out what will happen! I guess it could be worse right?!

Travis is doing well - our 1 year anniversary is coming up quickly! We don't have any plans yet - but any suggestions are welcome! I'd like to take a nice short vacation - especially since neither of us have had a vacation since our Honeymoon! I'd take a weekend anywhere right about now! We will see what happens! The dogs are doing well... There really isn't much more to update on! My life is pretty lame!

My Little Spencie

This is one of those posts where I'm not sure how to start... or what to write exactly... or anything really... But I feel like I need to get this out since it's been consuming my every thought for the 6 days...

I'm sure you remember my little brother Elder Spencer Doty - serving in the Belo Horizante Brazil mission?! Well, for the past few weeks he has been writing me every week and telling me how anxious and depressed he has been. I have been supportive and loving. I've prayed for him and I've sent words of encouragement. Last Wednesday, I didn't get an email from Spencie. I figured since it was Transfers week, I would hear something later in the week. That evening, my sister Melissa called me and asked if I had gotten an email from him and I told her no. She told me that nobody had, and that my parents had been called in to see the Stake President that evening. I knew it wasn't good and told her to call me as soon as she found out what was happening.

Late that evening my little sister Shayla called me and told me that Spencer's anxiety and depression had gotten worse and that the Mission President thought he needed to come home. My parents were going to talk with him in the morning and figure out what would happen. The next morning they called him and spoke with him and had determined that Spencer would come home as soon as possible. Unfortunately, as soon as possible isn't until Wednesday.

I can't tell you how many tears I have cried for Spencer. He will come home on Wednesday and will receive treatment for his anxiety and depression. He wants to be in Brazil so badly, but his anxiety and depression has made it nearly impossible for him to go on this way. He is planning on going back to Brazil once he has everything under control. We don't know how long it will take - but we know that he will get better. He is coming home for a good reason - and he wants to go back out. We will just see when that will be.

My heart aches for Spencer. I know he is scared to come home! Unfortunately, my family has experience with a returning missionary, when Brian came home from his mission after only 6 months. As much as we thought people would be supportive there were rumors spread about Brian and the reason he came home. They were all wrong - and eventually the bishop had to get up in Sacrament Meeting and tell everyone to stop gossiping and that Brian was home under the direction of a doctor. My parents spoke with their bishop and let him know that they wanted him to address the issue of Spencers return and stamp out any misconceptions before they start. I guess he talked to the ward on Sunday and let them know that Spencer will be home for treatment for depression. Unfortunately - some people hear what they want and have said inconsiderate things to my family. Spencer is a good kid and he is doing what is best for him right now. Why can't people just accept that?!

The past 6 days have been tormenting as I've prayed and cried and struggled to understand what I can do to help Spencer. The sad thing is, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. Should I be happy to see him? Should I be sad that he is here? I just want to be supportive because I love him! I'm hoping that when he comes home - he knows that we love him and care for him. I hope he understands that we will do whatever he needs to make sure he can get the help he needs and return to Brazil as soon as possible. He is such a wonderful kid! I hope others can see that and will be compassionate and loving and helpful and supportive.

I love you Spencie!