Yes I know - it's been a month and a half since I blogged - I've been busy so get off my case! Really I have been super busy and I will catch up with my blogness as soon as I can find the time. Right now I can't really sleep so I'm blogging away in my bed (Thank goodness for laptops)!
I am going to be brave tomorrow... very brave. The plan is to express my feelings and put my foot down at the same time. Cause I'm done! With what you may ask? Actually, if you know me well enough you know it's about D. I've decided I'm done waiting around. Not that I was actually waiting - but I kind of am in a sick way.
The plan is that tomorrow I'm giving him his old plates and he's giving me a spare to the car and then I'm going to tell him like it is. That I have feelings for him still - the feelings haven't changed. The thing is, it's been 8 months now (gosh I'm pathetic) and I haven't pushed or shoved or even made mention of the fact that HE said he wanted to try again. Even after further clarification (I'm not stupid - I know what try again means) - and he insisted he did want to try again.... still nothing. And I'm done waiting. I deserve to be loved by someone who will love me the way that I would have loved him. Is that so much to ask for? I don't think so. So that's it. I'm not waiting around - I'm officially moving onward and upward.
I'm not gonna lie though - it will hurt like hell! Anything involving feelings and the inevitibility that they will be hurt sucks but what other choice do I have. I was going to wait until I graduate next year (cause really, with my schedule who even has time to date) - but a friend of mine pointed out that next year is a year away, and a lot can change in that time. Who knows who I could meet and pass up because I'm waiting for one guy to pull his head out and realize that I'm a kick ass girlfriend and that his feelings for me are more than just lust (don't get me started on that one!). I just don't have the time or energy to wait around for that. Nor, do I deserve that!
So this is it. I'm being brave even though afterward I'm certain I will cry. Pray for me!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
One Dope Ride
I have so much today and yet nothing to say at the same time. I bought a car today - a Honda Accord. I bought it from a good friend and it's super nice! Thanks for the car D. Yes, you read that right - I bought D's car. Random right?! It is - and to be honest, some people think it's weird. I don't though. I have been in it before - like it - it's a good car - plus I know D and how well he takes care of it! So I didn't have any reservations about buying it from him.
So I went and picked it up today and was about to have an anxiety attack - not because I was getting a loan to buy a car - but because I haven't seen him since we parted ways (September 11th to be exact). Actually, that's not 100% true - I saw him randomly at the mall sometime around christmas ish. We talked for 30 seconds maybe and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack! I still might! No - it was good I guess. I don't really know how to act around him so I was kind of rude - interesting how that always happens. I don't know what to do so I revert to what I do best - Bitchy! Anyway - It was a good transaction - and I was so nervous and had butterflies. Just seeing him makes me twitterpated again! It sucks! I mean, he likes me still he said - but that doesn't really mean anything right?! I shouldn't analyze it - I should just let it be right?! Right! I can't help it - when you learn to analyze crap that's what you do! I knew school would ruin me!!!!
In any case - I got a car... I'll listen to De La Vega when I pick it up - One Dope Ride.
So I went and picked it up today and was about to have an anxiety attack - not because I was getting a loan to buy a car - but because I haven't seen him since we parted ways (September 11th to be exact). Actually, that's not 100% true - I saw him randomly at the mall sometime around christmas ish. We talked for 30 seconds maybe and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack! I still might! No - it was good I guess. I don't really know how to act around him so I was kind of rude - interesting how that always happens. I don't know what to do so I revert to what I do best - Bitchy! Anyway - It was a good transaction - and I was so nervous and had butterflies. Just seeing him makes me twitterpated again! It sucks! I mean, he likes me still he said - but that doesn't really mean anything right?! I shouldn't analyze it - I should just let it be right?! Right! I can't help it - when you learn to analyze crap that's what you do! I knew school would ruin me!!!!
In any case - I got a car... I'll listen to De La Vega when I pick it up - One Dope Ride.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Pretty Toes!
My little brothers band won 4th place at State Battle of the Bands on Saturday night. Good for them! They're so stinking cute - and talented of course! As official band scrapbooker - when I finally get the book together - I'll have to make 4 copies - one for each boy - cause I'm keeping the original of course! You can find them on myspace - their name is Cobet. Cute Cute boys - and not too shabby music wise! Check 'em out!
Ready for school to be done! That is how I feel today. But to make myself feel better - I've gotten a pedicure! It sure does make me feel better! I have pretty toes now. I love having pretty toes. There's something about a pedicure and a new hairdo that makes ya feel all confident and happy inside! Yay for me!
D texted me again today. Now, this is a confession I will make once and only once (for now at least). Still like the boy - a lot! As we chatted - I found out - the boy still likes me. Feelings about that? Happy - Nervous - Frustrated - Excited - and Really? Now what?! So - that's that.
Nothing too exciting for now - I'll write more later this week or next! Woot Woot!
Ready for school to be done! That is how I feel today. But to make myself feel better - I've gotten a pedicure! It sure does make me feel better! I have pretty toes now. I love having pretty toes. There's something about a pedicure and a new hairdo that makes ya feel all confident and happy inside! Yay for me!
D texted me again today. Now, this is a confession I will make once and only once (for now at least). Still like the boy - a lot! As we chatted - I found out - the boy still likes me. Feelings about that? Happy - Nervous - Frustrated - Excited - and Really? Now what?! So - that's that.
Nothing too exciting for now - I'll write more later this week or next! Woot Woot!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Tidbits - like Pineapple
I don't have much to say about one thing in particular - so I'll just blab about a couple of random things.
1. I saw a camel on the freeway on Thursday. NO JOKE! It was in a horse trailer. My first thought - Is that a camel? Second - Is that a camel in a horse trailer? Now, mind you it's not every day I see a camel - I know in Salt Lake City right?! But I wondered if the circus was in town or if it was going to the zoo but thought it would be a better publicized Camel trasporter - instead of a horse trailer. A camel... I know!
2. I hate Dutch Oven cooking! Yes, hate it! This is sad because I'll be the girls camp cook in June - but really! I don't like having unpredictible cooking times. I want to know when I can expect to eat, and I expect to eat at that time! I don't want the wind and weather to determine if I have to wait another half hour to eat! Seriously! Dutch oven cooking is stupid!
3. I am pretty sure I will be having a nervous breakdown at one of two times either April 24th, or May 3rd. Either would be good days for me. Day after the last day of class, or the day after my mom's graduation. Either would be fine I guess - I just don't have time before then - so let's put good Karma out for my nervous breakdown to wait until one of those two days!
4. I worked on Saturday. It wasn't very fun! However, I did find a new love! It's called Pandora! It's an MSN music thing. You type in an artist or song you like - and they create a huge playlist with similar types of music! LOVE IT! It's way better than the iTunes thing that tells you what else you might like based on what you have, because really, I like KORN, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to it all the time! This is a perfect "pick your music mood" station! Have I mentioned I love it?
5. I have spent way too much money in the past three weeks - on what you ask? On stuff. I spent $300.00 on a purse and wallet (COACH - be jealous). I spent almost $400.00 on scrapbooking stuff too. Why? I'm not really sure! I needed some retail therapy clearly - but I may have gone overboard! No more spending! Say it with me "I don't need to buy more stuff"
Well, I guess that's it for now. If anything else happens I'll let you know! But my life isn't very exciting... tidbits of info... that's all!
1. I saw a camel on the freeway on Thursday. NO JOKE! It was in a horse trailer. My first thought - Is that a camel? Second - Is that a camel in a horse trailer? Now, mind you it's not every day I see a camel - I know in Salt Lake City right?! But I wondered if the circus was in town or if it was going to the zoo but thought it would be a better publicized Camel trasporter - instead of a horse trailer. A camel... I know!
2. I hate Dutch Oven cooking! Yes, hate it! This is sad because I'll be the girls camp cook in June - but really! I don't like having unpredictible cooking times. I want to know when I can expect to eat, and I expect to eat at that time! I don't want the wind and weather to determine if I have to wait another half hour to eat! Seriously! Dutch oven cooking is stupid!
3. I am pretty sure I will be having a nervous breakdown at one of two times either April 24th, or May 3rd. Either would be good days for me. Day after the last day of class, or the day after my mom's graduation. Either would be fine I guess - I just don't have time before then - so let's put good Karma out for my nervous breakdown to wait until one of those two days!
4. I worked on Saturday. It wasn't very fun! However, I did find a new love! It's called Pandora! It's an MSN music thing. You type in an artist or song you like - and they create a huge playlist with similar types of music! LOVE IT! It's way better than the iTunes thing that tells you what else you might like based on what you have, because really, I like KORN, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to it all the time! This is a perfect "pick your music mood" station! Have I mentioned I love it?
5. I have spent way too much money in the past three weeks - on what you ask? On stuff. I spent $300.00 on a purse and wallet (COACH - be jealous). I spent almost $400.00 on scrapbooking stuff too. Why? I'm not really sure! I needed some retail therapy clearly - but I may have gone overboard! No more spending! Say it with me "I don't need to buy more stuff"
Well, I guess that's it for now. If anything else happens I'll let you know! But my life isn't very exciting... tidbits of info... that's all!
Monday, March 3, 2008
It doesn't make sense - I know!
So things are crazy and hectic and I kind of like it! I'm nearing spring break which means I haven't turned in many assignments and will hate myself because I'll have a TON to do over spring break- whatever! I still need to decide what to do this summer. Work only? Work and School? Quit everything? Okay that last one isn't really an option! Any suggestions can help!
This week I had my first Girls Camp Planning Meeting and guess what my big assignment is - guess - Yup - Camp Cook! Do they know who they're talking to? Seriously! I'm not a cook! I wonder how far Pizza Hut delivers?! Really it will be fun - I'm really excited about it! It's going to be a fun week - and I'm getting some dutch oven cooking lessons from a friend this weekend - should be a good time. In reality I think he's only doing it because he thinks I'll like him if I spend more time with him (he's said it before) but seriously- I just need the help and he knows what he's doing. What do you expect right?!
Randomly D texted me this morning - out of the blue right?! It was nice to chat but in all honesty I don't have any idea why he did. It's not like we're friends - I mean, friends spend time together right?! Apparently he forgot that part of the friend contract. The friend I haven't seen for a month- has now been longer. I want to hang out - I hate fighting - I don't feel like we're fighting though - I just feel like nothing is happening. I don't know what else to say. She apparently read my blog and said she didn't lie cause she worked til 5. Sorry my bad, I said 3 not 5. But the show started at 7... I don't even care - if you don't want to hang out then don't - I'm okay with that. I shouldn't be annoyed. I'm over it really.
Melissa and I went shopping this weekend $600.00 (that's only what I spent) later we came home! It was a fun day! I love spending time with Moosie - and we have to get it all in cause it won't happen for the next 18 months. It will be good for her to go on a mission - she'll love it! She got a bunch of mission clothes and I bought a bunch of stuff I don't need but want.... What is my problem!? I did need some retail therapy - who knew it would come in the form of a $300.00 purse and wallet?! Crazy I know - but i LOVE it! It was worth it! It's so pretty! Seriously! Will I buy another one like it? Not until the Fall maybe... we'll see! It's so nice!
Other than that - nothing exciting is happening really! I'm going on a cruise in June - so that will be fun! Gotta invite a friend to come so I can do fun stuff! Yay for vacations! Goodness knows I need one! Maybe I'll get another tattoo... I'm feeling a little wreckless today....
This week I had my first Girls Camp Planning Meeting and guess what my big assignment is - guess - Yup - Camp Cook! Do they know who they're talking to? Seriously! I'm not a cook! I wonder how far Pizza Hut delivers?! Really it will be fun - I'm really excited about it! It's going to be a fun week - and I'm getting some dutch oven cooking lessons from a friend this weekend - should be a good time. In reality I think he's only doing it because he thinks I'll like him if I spend more time with him (he's said it before) but seriously- I just need the help and he knows what he's doing. What do you expect right?!
Randomly D texted me this morning - out of the blue right?! It was nice to chat but in all honesty I don't have any idea why he did. It's not like we're friends - I mean, friends spend time together right?! Apparently he forgot that part of the friend contract. The friend I haven't seen for a month- has now been longer. I want to hang out - I hate fighting - I don't feel like we're fighting though - I just feel like nothing is happening. I don't know what else to say. She apparently read my blog and said she didn't lie cause she worked til 5. Sorry my bad, I said 3 not 5. But the show started at 7... I don't even care - if you don't want to hang out then don't - I'm okay with that. I shouldn't be annoyed. I'm over it really.
Melissa and I went shopping this weekend $600.00 (that's only what I spent) later we came home! It was a fun day! I love spending time with Moosie - and we have to get it all in cause it won't happen for the next 18 months. It will be good for her to go on a mission - she'll love it! She got a bunch of mission clothes and I bought a bunch of stuff I don't need but want.... What is my problem!? I did need some retail therapy - who knew it would come in the form of a $300.00 purse and wallet?! Crazy I know - but i LOVE it! It was worth it! It's so pretty! Seriously! Will I buy another one like it? Not until the Fall maybe... we'll see! It's so nice!
Other than that - nothing exciting is happening really! I'm going on a cruise in June - so that will be fun! Gotta invite a friend to come so I can do fun stuff! Yay for vacations! Goodness knows I need one! Maybe I'll get another tattoo... I'm feeling a little wreckless today....
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Blah Blah Blah
Yay for my little bro! His band took first place in the multi-region battle of the bands! Crazy right!? It's exciting though! I'm happy for him! My next assignment as Cobet Fanclub co-president and official band scrapbooker is to make t-shirts for State Battle of the Bands (March 15th at 7:00 p.m. at Highland High School - shameless plug I know)! It should be a good time! The funniest part - they won $125.00 as part of their first place schtuff - and what are they going to do with it??? Buy a mini-fridge for their practice room! I about died laughing! And how did they want to celebrate after their big win? By having frosties from Wendy's of course! Silly Silly boys!
In other news - my dad gets his alzheimers test results on Thursday - and I'm not really looking forward to that! No, not at all! I guess it will be good to just know either way - it's just more stress to throw into the mix!
Work is killing me - what is up with all of these audits? Seriously! I'm over it! Except some of my files are not in tip-top shape! It's one of those things where I've got all the important stuff but have forgotten one or two small things... Damn those small things! So i'll work this weekend to fix the small things. Because we've been given an extra scare at work - "The Feds can call at any time and ask for your files and you have to give it to them right away." If that doesn't put the fear of a payback in your heart - nothing will!
My social life is not so social! Really I mean, who has time for that crap anyway? Not me! I kind of feel a little withdrawn... Not that I don't want to be social - but I don't want to be social. I know that doesn't make sense. I want to be social - I just don't have the energy for it right now. It's all I can do to drag myself out of bed in time to get to work, school, practicum, church, etc. Although it's a bit easier on Sunday's because Church doesn't start until 11. Besides - the friend I got into an argument with - haven't seen her for over a month. And here's the thing - I invited her to my brothers show on Saturday night and she tells me she has to work late and can't go... Why the lies??? She got off work at 3... She was just watching her nephew - and I can totally see why she'd rather do that - it's cool - but seriously... why lie???? It annoys me!
Other than that and the crazy crap that's been happening at my house - I'm pretty sure after this semester I'm going to have an emotional breakdown! Seriously! Breakdown! And then I'll start summer semester classes! Gosh I need a vacation!
In other news - my dad gets his alzheimers test results on Thursday - and I'm not really looking forward to that! No, not at all! I guess it will be good to just know either way - it's just more stress to throw into the mix!
Work is killing me - what is up with all of these audits? Seriously! I'm over it! Except some of my files are not in tip-top shape! It's one of those things where I've got all the important stuff but have forgotten one or two small things... Damn those small things! So i'll work this weekend to fix the small things. Because we've been given an extra scare at work - "The Feds can call at any time and ask for your files and you have to give it to them right away." If that doesn't put the fear of a payback in your heart - nothing will!
My social life is not so social! Really I mean, who has time for that crap anyway? Not me! I kind of feel a little withdrawn... Not that I don't want to be social - but I don't want to be social. I know that doesn't make sense. I want to be social - I just don't have the energy for it right now. It's all I can do to drag myself out of bed in time to get to work, school, practicum, church, etc. Although it's a bit easier on Sunday's because Church doesn't start until 11. Besides - the friend I got into an argument with - haven't seen her for over a month. And here's the thing - I invited her to my brothers show on Saturday night and she tells me she has to work late and can't go... Why the lies??? She got off work at 3... She was just watching her nephew - and I can totally see why she'd rather do that - it's cool - but seriously... why lie???? It annoys me!
Other than that and the crazy crap that's been happening at my house - I'm pretty sure after this semester I'm going to have an emotional breakdown! Seriously! Breakdown! And then I'll start summer semester classes! Gosh I need a vacation!
Friday, February 22, 2008
What a Week!
Oh man! What a week it has been! So much has happened! Where do I start?! Last Friday was an extremely eventful day in the life of my family! My little brother is the drummer in a band called Cobet (I have no idea what that even means) and they played in a city Battle of the Bands and rocked it hard core! They played a song they wrote - and then Black Dog. You can't go wrong with some Led Zepplin right?! Anyway - They took 1st place! I know right?! It was amazing! The crowd went wild - and they played a stellar encore entitled "640 North". Yes in tribute to our garage where they practice and where nasty phone calls and police visits are received! Good times!
Later that night my little sister Melissa opened her mission call! Kennewick Washington! Fabulous right?! Right! The funniest part - she saw the word Kennewick and thought she was going foreign - yeah, that's why you read the whole thing first! :) I'm so excited for her! I cried a little - but didn't cry a ton until I went to bed that night. I'm so proud of her! Seriously! She has grown into such a great gal (I can't say woman cause that sounds old)! She will be a great missionary - and I will be a great missionary's sister! I'll send letters - packages - pictures - and anything else I want. Afterall, having served in the 'Sister' ranks myself, I kind of have an idea of the things she will need/want etc. Congrats Moose!
Thirdly - it's midterm - kind of. Since I don't really have midterms I don't really know when it is - but I think it's now! In any case it's one of those times when you have to make decisions about your career - can we say anxiety?! So, I chose a domain - Health. Made a top 5 list for practicums - Intermountain Medical Center is my top choice. And met with my practicum supervisor and coordinator. Honestly, I don't think i've really grown that much in my practicum. I do what I have to do and that's about it. But my supervisor C just ranted and raved about how wonderful I am, and how skilled I am, and how much they really like me, and then offered me a job upon graduation. Crazy I know! Here's the clincher - I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe I'll never know! I guess that's not a bad thing.
My week ends today - although tomorrow my little bro and the band are going to participate in a multi-regional Battle of the Bands! If they are in the top four, they get to go to State. How great would that be? Gotta love it! Other than that - and the usual self work that I've been doing - nothing too crazy has happened. My life is pretty calm - for this next hour anyway! I think I may have stretched myself a bit thin this semester - I can handle it - it just isn't much fun! Who said school and work was fun anyway right?! :) Until next time....
Later that night my little sister Melissa opened her mission call! Kennewick Washington! Fabulous right?! Right! The funniest part - she saw the word Kennewick and thought she was going foreign - yeah, that's why you read the whole thing first! :) I'm so excited for her! I cried a little - but didn't cry a ton until I went to bed that night. I'm so proud of her! Seriously! She has grown into such a great gal (I can't say woman cause that sounds old)! She will be a great missionary - and I will be a great missionary's sister! I'll send letters - packages - pictures - and anything else I want. Afterall, having served in the 'Sister' ranks myself, I kind of have an idea of the things she will need/want etc. Congrats Moose!
Thirdly - it's midterm - kind of. Since I don't really have midterms I don't really know when it is - but I think it's now! In any case it's one of those times when you have to make decisions about your career - can we say anxiety?! So, I chose a domain - Health. Made a top 5 list for practicums - Intermountain Medical Center is my top choice. And met with my practicum supervisor and coordinator. Honestly, I don't think i've really grown that much in my practicum. I do what I have to do and that's about it. But my supervisor C just ranted and raved about how wonderful I am, and how skilled I am, and how much they really like me, and then offered me a job upon graduation. Crazy I know! Here's the clincher - I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe I'll never know! I guess that's not a bad thing.
My week ends today - although tomorrow my little bro and the band are going to participate in a multi-regional Battle of the Bands! If they are in the top four, they get to go to State. How great would that be? Gotta love it! Other than that - and the usual self work that I've been doing - nothing too crazy has happened. My life is pretty calm - for this next hour anyway! I think I may have stretched myself a bit thin this semester - I can handle it - it just isn't much fun! Who said school and work was fun anyway right?! :) Until next time....
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