Cleaning House

No, I'm not really cleaning my house - although I should be for this weeks Christmas Celebration... I'm cleaning "house" in facebook and in my blog. I'm deleting people and deleting blogs. There are people who I am "friends" with on facebook that I've never considered "friends". Why is it that, just because we went to High School together - we should be friends on facebook. We didn't even like each other then?! I don't get it. And people that I was friends with - that I would never be friends with now (we have nothing in common, we don't talk, and they aren't the kind of people I necessarily want to have in my life and knowing my business)... So, why have them in my "friends" list?! It's not worth it if you ask me. So, I'm downsizing! I've already deleted over 200 friends - and I know I have plenty more to delete.

My question is, how do I delete the blogs that I'm following from my dashboard?! I'm not sure why I'm following some of them and I don't want to take up that space anymore. Does anyone know how to delete them?

Maybe when this is done I'll move on and clean my actual house.

#23 Surprise my husband

I thought that this goal would be the hardest of the entire bunch! I am horrible at keeping surprises a secret - I get too excited and always let it slip! However, this surprise I kept for an entire month!!!! Travis isn't a huge fan of Christmas. He is somewhat of a scrooge - I have my own thoughts about why this is - bu the just doesn't LOVE Christmas like I do. Last year, we didn't have a Christmas tree. It wasn't a huge deal since we weren't even going to be home for Christmas at all... but this year, we are having Christmas dinner at our house for both of our families so I thought we would need a tree. For the past month I have been hunting all over the internet and being sneaky and buying ornaments for our tree. I figured I would buy a tree, decorate it and be ready for him to come home one day... Surprise - we have a Christmas tree! I bought ornaments on ebay, etsy, and a bunch of random online shops. I got the last of my ornaments on the 6th of December and so the 9th was the day! My good friend Bethany and my little brother Spencer helped me buy a tree - put it up and decorate it while Travis was at work. He was completely surprised - and really liked the tree, the ornaments, and the decorations! I was totally proud of myself! I have since added other decorations - but this is what it looked like when Travis got home from work!

Me picking out our first Christmas tree - and it's real!

The tree and garland, up and decorated! There's more now - but this was a great start!

Travis was totally surprised! I can't believe I kept a secret for that long! Wow! I'm usually horrible at surprises - so imagine my surprise when I was able to pull it off! Woohoo! Merry Christmas!

# 26 Spend more time with family, friends, and loved ones

This has probably been one of my favorite goals! I spend a lot of time with my husband, and with my little brother Spencer (who until recently lived with Travis and I). I see my mom and sisters at school a couple of times per week - and usually see my dad at least once per week. So, Who is left out you may ask? Brian, Sarah, Austin and Conner! We can't forget about them! Well, I was lucky enough to accomplish this goal in the month of November! Sarah went to Australia for 3 weeks with her father, and since Brian needed to work - the little boys came up to Utah for pretty much the entire month of November! It was AWESOME! We all rearranged our schedules to help care for the boys - and I was lucky enough to get to spend every Friday with the boys! I made arrangements with a good friend of mine - to have play dates each Friday so that the boys could have kids to play with and so that Aunt Jenny wouldn't go crazy not being able to talk to anyone all day on Fridays!

November 5th - Austin and Conner and I went with Bethany, Isabelle, and Lucy to the Discovery Children's Museum at the Gateway. I had never been there before - and boy was it fun! The kids had SO much fun playing - I kept asking Austin if he needed to go potty and he kept saying "No Jenny, I need to play!" Here are a few pics of the boys at the museum.

Conner sleeping - by the end of the day he was exhausted!

Austin playing in the ball room - he LOVED the balls!

Conner in the baby play area - isn't he cute?!

Austin using a crane to move blocks to "build things"

Austin, Isabelle, Conner, and Lucy

On November 12th our friends couldn't play - so we went to the Mall and played in the play land with Aunt Shayla and Aunt Melissa! They had SO much fun! Both boys were so tired! I didn't take any pictures because it was just the mall play place - nothing too exciting :)

On November 19th the boys and I went to the Incredible Pizza Company and met Bethany, Isabelle, and Jackson for some food and fun! We had such a great time there! I didn't get a ton of pictures because Conner was pretty crabby and clingy. I got a few of the kids though with their face paints and Austin in a little car ride... I'll get some from Bethany and add them another time!

Austin riding a car - his reward for going down the slide like a big boy!

Austin with his Dragon, Isabelle the snow princess, and Jackson the dragon boy.

Austin with the dragon on his arm. He was SO proud of it!

I love these little boys so much and miss them terribly! I'm sad they live so far away - I hope they decide to move back here! I'd love to keep playing with them! I miss you guys!

# 18: Give more to Charity than I really should or really can afford

I am so glad I put this one on here... It made me think about people who are less fortunate than I am and it really made an impact on me!

One thing that is extremely important to Travis and I is education. Both of us have our Master's Degrees and plan on encouraging our future family to continue their education as well. So, when an opportunity came up to be able to donate money for education - we jumped at the chance.

Because of legislation this year - the budget for UVU was cut tremendously. The part that hurt the worst, was scholarships for financially struggling students. Because I teach in the behavioral sciences department - I was able to be a part of the First Annual Forgotten Carols Scholarship Gala. Michael Mclean sits on the advisory board for the School of Humanities and Social Science and volunteered to do a Forgotten Carols Scholarship Gala to encourage people to donate to the School for a good cause - but also giving them something in return.

Way back in September, Travis and I paid a rather hefty sum of money for two tickets to the Forgotten Carols through the Scholarship Fundraiser. On December 2nd, we attended the Gala to celebrate the Scholarship Recipients. Over 35 students applied for the scholarship, and two students were fortunate enough to receive a scholarship. One received a full scholarship, and the other a half scholarship. We are talking tuition, fees, books, living expenses, etc. As we met the two students, and had one at our table - both Travis and I felt truly blessed to be a part of this night!

As the Thank You for donating - we attended the Gala - were fed some super delicious good, met Michael Mclean, received a copy of the Forgotten Carols on CD with him reading the book and the music (which he autographed), and 2 VIP tickets to the show. Yes, the benefits were nice - but meeting the students (both of whom were behavioral science students) and seeing how grateful they were for a chance to continue their education was seriously amazing!

Because this is an annual thing - Travis and I will be attending each year. Well, we will be donating each year - I may be attending with a friend because Travis doesn't like the cheese factor of the Forgotten Carols... I, on the other hand, LOVE it - and it will have a special place in my heart now knowing that students at UVU will be able to have the financial means to continue their education.

# 8 Explore New Interests

Since I've been married I have learned that I actually like to cook. I enjoy cooking dinner - and Travis and I especially love cooking together. (although, usually i'm doing the cutting and chopping while he actually cooks) Well, I have always wanted to be able to make delicious goodies - so I decided to try my hand at baking... I think it was pretty successful! Here are some of the yummy things I have been making lately!

Yellow and Chocolate Cake Bites

Pumpkin White Chocolate Chunk and Candied Ginger Blondies

Apple cider spiced donut holes

Gooey Pumpkin Butterscotch Brownies

Marbled Pumpkin Cheesecake (gingersnap pecan crust)

Mini Pumpkin Pie Bites

Snickerdoodle Cake

Seriously - How did I never try baking before? I'm really loving it! And these are all essentially from scratch! I've also made some banana bread - but it wasn't really that impressive so I didn't take any pictures of them. I'm not sure what I want to try baking next.... any suggestions?

SHARK ATTACK!

If you know me well at all, you know that I am afraid of sharks! Yes - I know we live in Utah - that doesn't mean that I can't be afraid of them! This fear started when I was 17 and went fishing in the Pacific... I caught a dog shark that tried to eat me... Obviously my fear is not ridiculous! On the other hand - Travis thinks it's HILARIOUS that I'm afraid of sharks since we do live in Utah. I know it's a little ridiculous - and my good friend Bethany has decided to give me some exposure therapy to help rid me of my fear... until then, my dear husband decided to send me this cute little picture to show me that my fear is completely irrational! Yeah, if I decided NEVER to leave Utah, and NEVER to go to a beach... Not likely - remember the Dominican Republic? I still want to go! They have a snorkeling excursion with sharks... Not sure that I'm daring enough to do that... we will see! Enjoy my shark attack info! I'm sure you'll find it as entertaining as I did! :)

Let there be Light!

A brake light that is! On Tuesday morning after I filled up for gas at 7:00 am - I got in my car, turned it on and suddenly a bright red light turned on... My brake light went out. Oye! I was instantly crabby - I hate having car problems and I'm not mechanically inclined at all! So, that evening after I taught my night class I went to my parents house and talked with my dad. I told him my problem and asked for his help. Since I didn't have any bulbs with me - He showed me how to gain access to my brake light and how to change the bulb. He told me someone at Checker or Auto Zone would likely do it for me if they weren't busy. So I decided to check it out...

I went to Checker today and unfortunately it was REALLY busy! I asked about the brake light, a lady grabbed the bulb I needed, rang me up, and off I went. I went home and figured it couldn't be that hard right?! So I tried... And it only took my 5 minutes!

Before...... And After.......

I am SO proud of myself!

BAKERELLA!

Yes... I love Bakerella and I follow her blog religiously! She is the author of the lovely Cake Pops book... and she came to Salt Lake on a book tour! Of course I had to meet her! My good friend Vicki was gracious enough to tag along with me to meet her! Vicki, her two kiddos, and myself arrived just before noon to the Williams & Sonoma in Trolley Square (really a dangerous store for me to be in) and the book signing was to start at 1 o'clock. When we arrived, we were given numbers to meet her and we were assigned numbers 24 and 25. It's a good thing we got there early because the line was CRAZY! It was out the store and down the hallway - there were over 200 people there to meet her and have her sign their books! When it was finally my turn I was all smiles - completely Star Struck! And I have a picture to prove that I met her....

I will be trying to make cake pops in the next few weeks... I'll post pictures on how they turn out! :)

I. Am. A. Moron!

Yes, a complete moron! Around mid-September (Okay, the 15th to be exact) I applied for a job with a provider agency that serves people with disabilities - as a therapist. It is my dream job! I could use my license, be a therapist, and still work with the population that I love! So, I emailed them my resume as requested. A few days later I emailed them again to make sure they got it and inquire about interview times and I received no response. Well, after a couple of weeks I decided that I wasn't going to worry about it - I wasn't being considered so i didn't need to worry about it.

I hadn't checked that email address since the very beginning of October - until today... and what do I see? An email on the 6th of October asking for an interview on the 13th or 14th of this month. Yup, last week! I was MORTIFIED! I wanted to cry! I still want to cry... I didn't check my email, thus I didn't get an interview! I am so devistated! Ugh... I don't even know what to do... I emailed the lady back, and will call this afternoon to just apologize again... Wow, i'm an idiot!

# 11 - Actually Use some of my Scrapbook Stuff

Can you believe I did it??? I used some of my scrapbooking stuff. Whew... I'm so proud of myself! What did I use them for you may ask? Well, my little brother is an assistant house manager and works with guys that have disabilities. One of his assignments was to make a chore chart for the guys he works with. Obviously I volunteered to make it for him and after talking with him about what chores people would have... this is what I came up with. (excuse the poor quality of pictures - my brother took them for me later on)

Exactly What I Needed...

But not necessarily in the form I would have liked. I have been job hunting for a while now - looking now and then... applying for jobs here and there. I've been serious about getting a new job - but I hadn't been seriously looking and applying. Well, Sunday night I got an email that changed all of that. I decided that I don't get paid enough to be treated like crap. I don't get paid enough to deal with clients like this. And I certainly don't get paid enough to be looked down on and scolded for doing my job the best way that I know how. That email was absolutely rude and uncalled for. But - it gave me the kick in the pants that I needed right about now. I am looking for a new job NOW. Not just looking - I will be calling places, sending emails, following up, etc. SO - if anyone knows of a place that is hiring a CSW - let me know - I am ready for a change!

Story of my Life...

Stress... Yep, it is the story of my life! For some reason - I feel overly stressed recently! I am more emotional than ever! I get angry at the littlest things... It is so unlike me! Yet, I feel like it defines me right now. In nearly every aspect of my life - I am experiencing stress! It is wearing on me emotionally and physically and I feel like I have no control! I'm trying to find a new job - I still love my current job, but I am not able to get out of it what I want anymore. I want to finish my clinical hours for my license - and I can't do that at my current job. Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time finding a job - which is stressing me out! At my current job - my clients are going crazy, which is stressing me out! I feel like I'm doing things to help OTHER people have an easier job (or keep their job) and it's pretty overwhelming - and overly demanding at times! I'm trying to decide if I should go back to school - and that's stressing me out! My husband talked to me about our finances the other day and that ALWAYS stresses me out! It doesn't matter how much or how little money we have, it stresses me out. Currently, we are on the little side and his reaction to our financial situation stresses me out too! We have been trying to get pregnant, well, since we got married (don't judge us - we are getting old)... and can't do it on our own. We need to see someone - but that is kind of overwhelming and stressful too and I just have NO idea where to start. Besides, all of that will cost money - and well, it's not like we have an excess of that lying around. Do you see a pattern here?! I can't really handle this stress... I just don't know how to get rid of it! Until then, I live with headaches, heartburn, tension, stress, and anxiety... Aaah... the life!

# 25 - Reunite with an Old Friend (or two)

I accomplished this goal! Yes! It feels SO good to cross one thing off of my list already!

Last Saturday (September 11th) I had a fantastic dinner with two of my mission companions. How is this reuniting with an old friend??? Well, we haven't seen each other - or talked really - since we all went home about 6 years ago...

It was wonderful! We had dinner (mexican of course), ice cream, and played Rock Band 2 for hours! It was SO much fun! Gowans and Webster - I hope to see you again soon!

30 before 30

I've decided since I'm turning the big 3-0 next year, that I should make a list of things I'd like to do before I'm thirty... Here goes nothing (and in no particular order)...

1. Plant flowers in my front flower bed
2. Read 30 #1 New York Times Bestsellers
3. Go on a REAL vacation with my husband - or at least have one solidly planned(St. George does NOT count)
4. Organize my scrapbook stuff - more of a chore than it sounds
5. Use my Clinical License
6. Start a Family (I feel like i'm setting myself up to fail here...)
7. Lose an undisclosed but very specific amount of weight
8. Explore new interests
9. Re-decorate (or at least re-paint) one room in my house
10. Take more pictures
11. Actually USE some of my scrapbook stuff
12. Learn to De-Stress my life
13. Do something Physically Adventurous/Difficult
14. Decrease my debt - Increase my savings (student loans why must you haunt me)
15. Clean out my Car - and keep it clean for a week! (TRUNK INCLUDED)
16. Host a dinner with some friends - cook the entire thing!
17. Throw a themed party... maybe a Glee Season Premiere Party... Hmm what do you think?
18. Give more to charity than I really should or really can afford
19. Sign all of the books that I read (in case I pass them on - you know?!)
20. Volunteer
21. Take my parents out for a really nice dinner
22. Take my in-laws out for a really nice dinner (is that cheating?)
23. Surprise my husband - not sure with what... but I'm no good at surprises
24. Blog more often - it is a record of life after all
25. Reunite with an old friend (or two)
26. Spend more time with family, friends, and loved ones
27. Be able to look at my finances without feeling like I need to throw up. (they aren't bad - it just makes me sick to think about a car payment, mortgage, student loans, utilities, etc.)
28. Take another class or two... Doesn't matter in what... just another class
29. Get a passport
30. Forgive those who have hurt me...

I'll keep you posted on what happens! Whew!

How...

How do I write what I'm feeling without coming across as a big jerk?! I don't know that it's even possible...

I'll just say this... every day it gets harder, sadder and more frustrating. Every day I get angrier, sadder, and more and more confused...

I have a newfound respect for those who are experiencing this as well... Know that I love you!

Bring on the Fall

I love the Fall... and usually, with that, I love the new school year (it's my second year teaching at UVU) and all that comes with it. I have several favorite things about fall! In no particular order:

1. School Shopping! I LOVE buying new notebooks, pens, highlighters, index cards, etc. I love trying to figure out how I'm going to organize everything for the semester... I LOVE it!

2. The Clothes! I LOVE wearing sweaters! My favorite outfit? T-shirt, Jeans, Flip-Flops, and a sweater... or sweatshirt... I'm not too picky about it! I seriously love it!

3. The Leaves! I LOVE watching the leaves change... They're beautiful! I love walking on crunchy leaves! I love not having trees so we don't have to rake - but I love watching everyone else rake their leaves, and seeing little kids play in them!

4. The Smells! I LOVE the smell of fall! I don't know what it is about the crisp chilly air - but I LOVE it! Bath and Body Works has a whole fall line of soaps and wallflowers... yum! My faves? Leaves and the Cinnamon Pumpkin or something. So warm and cozy smelling!

5. The Flavors! Pumpkin anything - and Carmel Apple Spice from Starbucks - enough said!

*** Yes, I am well aware it's not quite fall yet! But the crazy weather the past couple of days has made me REALLY excited for fall! ***

15 years vs 8 months

Well, I got the call from the job I interviewed for (yes, 3 times) - and they offered the job to someone else. They said it was a really difficult decision and that they took an extra day to decide because they were really torn. They told me that they loved interviewing me, thought I would make an excellent employee and would keep me in mind for other positions that become available. And with that, they took the man that had 15 years of substance abuse treatment... I guess that does trump my 8 months. It was a blow to the ego - This is the first time I've interviewed for a job and haven't been offered it... but, it was a good experience none the less, especially for my FIRST masters level interview. I'll keep on the hunt...

update on the job search...

Well, my interview went well last Tuesday. On Thursday afternoon they called and I couldn't answer - I'm a chicken I know. I have this horrible inner-conflict about a new job. I hate leaving jobs, etc. Anyway, I called them back and they wanted to clarify the salary with me (which was slightly more than I thought it would be), and then asked me for yet, another, interview. Yup, I'll be heading over this Wednesday for a 3rd interview... Wish me Luck!

Shaking things up a bit...

Things aren't really very exciting around my house - or in my life really. I have a nice daily routine that is tried and true... but I'm getting a little bored so I decided to shake it up!

I have been applying for jobs around town lately. I have a Masters Degree and figure that I might as well use it! I've applied for probably 6 jobs in the past three weeks - and have gotten 5 of those oh-so polite emails (yes they do it by email now) saying "Thank you for your interest, but we have hired someone who has more experience." At first it was frustrating - but I figure someone will want me eventually.

Well, last week I applied for a job (I won't say where because I don't want to jinx it) and got a phone interview last Monday. Then, they called me on Thursday and asked me to come in on Tuesday (yesterday) for an in-person interview. It was my first interview after graduate school - and my first interview in 6 years really - so I was terrified! I think it went well - but who knows. They said they would let me know by the end of the week.

I guess we will see if changes happen because of this. I applied for another job this afternoon - you know, just in case I don't get offered the other one, or I decide I really don't want to do it... I know you're chomping at the bit to hear if I am offered the job or not - don't worry - I'll let you know! If not, there's another one somewhere I'm sure!

confession...

Hello... My name is Jennifer and I'm a blog hopper/stalker!

Yes, it's true! I could spend hours reading random peoples blogs! If it's about crafts, or food, or home improvements - I am all about it! How do I find them? Well, I read a friends blog, and if they mention something - I'll look it up, or follow the link to the next thing. If that one is interesting - I'll follow another link... It is a never ending cycle and I have found SO many fun things that I want to do/try/make...

And... it's a great way to avoid doing the stuff I really need to do!

Whew...

Whew... It has been a busy few weeks for me! It is the end of the fiscal year for work - meaning there are a lot of crazy things going on with work, budgets, paperwork, etc. Plus, I am kind of applying for some new jobs... I am getting a little burned out and am looking for something more clinical. I have had several "thanks for applying but we are looking for someone with more experience" responses - but finally had one phone interview this week... so that's a good start I guess. How do I get more experience if nobody will hire me?! Oh well...

This week is my mother's side's family reunion in Lincoln City Oregon. They are spending the week at a beach house - and we aren't there. Because Travis hasn't earned any money yet with his new business, and we spent a good 12k on starting up the business, I didn't think we could afford to take off a week of work - pay for hotel stays on the way up - a week in a beach house - hotels on the way back - plus food and gas the entire time. It would have stressed me out so bad! I could have gone with my family but I didn't want to go without Travis. Instead we are here in the valley, working hard - and getting our sprinklers fixed... Aah the Joys of home ownership!

About two weeks ago I told my husband I needed a vacation because of my funk... I was getting burned out, feeling crabby and unmotivated, and really just didn't want to do much of anything! I don't think he thought I was serious until a few days later when I had already planned our vacation in December to the Dominican Republic. 8 days and 7 nights at an all inclusive resort in Punta Cana. The total being $2,000.00 for our trip - not including the passports we would need. Travis told me that he didn't think it was a good idea to put it on our credit card and that if we saved up the money for it, he would be fine spending it on the trip. Well, that blew the wind out of my sail really quick! Travis still hasn't gotten a paycheck, I just took a pay cut, and money is tighter than we are used to. Do I sacrifice my lifestyle for a vacation?! I couldn't decide. Luckily, my good friend Bethany and her husband Greg invited us to their cabin this past weekend... It was SO relaxing! We slept in, hung out, watched movies, chatted, spent some quiet time in nature - and were able to just relax and not have to think about work! It was SO nice! I still really want to go to the Dominican Republic, but we will have to put that off until next year since our Dryer pretty well dead - good thing the Labor Day sales aren't too far off! This weekend, Travis and I will go down and visit his parents in St. George (we will take the puppies with us this time). Travis' dad had knee replacement surgery about 2 1/2 weeks ago - and will have his other knee replaced in another 2 1/2 weeks - so we figure we will go down and visit with them this weekend.

I guess we are just replacing the one long week vacation - with two mini weekend vacations. In all reality, the weekend at the cabin was gloriously relaxing and was exactly what I needed. And it will be nice to see Travis's mom and dad over Pioneer Day weekend (or as Travis and his dad like to call it: Pie- and-Beer Day). Although I am very sad to be missing my family reunion! I love my family - I have some seriously hilarious relatives! Bev, Pam & Jon... oh man they kill me! Plus, I think Alicia and her baby Jett and her big 'ole pregnant belly are going to be there for a few days... I haven't seen her since 2006! Who knows when, or even if, we will have another one. Let's hope so!

Funk... And not the good kind...

I'm in a funk... I'm not quite sure why, or really what's going on - but I'm in a funk and I can't seem to shake it. I'm stressed, frustrated, tired, frustrated... did I mention frustrated? Things that normally wouldn't bother me - are bugging me. I'm more irritable lately - and I have no idea why. And NO we aren't pregnant... believe me, I wish... but not for a while, if ever. Maybe i'm inside my head too much?! Maybe I need a vacation? Whatever it is - I just need something to kick the funk... and for some reason my Mt Dew just isn't doing it for me. Suggestions?

Lots of Tears

How crazy life can get... Thursday, June 24th started out as a wonderful day - and ended tragically. It is a day I will never forget because I experienced every emotion possible that day! Let me explain... I work with individuals that have disabilities. One of my clients, an almost 3 year old little girl with multiple disabilities was adopted by a wonderful family, and I was there to witness that on Thursday morning. As I sat in the court room and watched this family answer questions, and promise to love her and care for her... I began thinking about how precious family is, and how blessed this family was to have so many loved ones there to celebrate that day! I'd like to think of myself not just as a professional working with them, but as a friend as well. It was a beautiful morning full of tears! Tears of joy of course!

Late that afternoon I received a phone call from a fellow support coordinator asking if I had spoken with my dear friend Corrine that day. I told her that I hadn't, and asked why she wondered. She said Corrine had called with a crisis and asked her to call immediately, but that she never answered. She called families, providers, and nobody had heard from her but thought they heard background noise during a phone call that indicated she had been in a fender bender. I told her boss that I would call Corrines husband, and then let her know what I found out. When I called Damon, as soon as he picked up the phone I could hear in his voice that something was terribly wrong. He told me that Corrine had been in a horrible accident that morning and that it was on ksl.com and that she was in surgery, and they had lost their unborn child. I asked if there was anything I could do for him and her, and he asked me to tell her boss. I asked him to keep me up to date and he said he would.

I called Corrine's boss and gave her the information, and immediately read the news story and then called our two other best friends (there were 4 of us that spent a LOT of time together) and let them know. The 3 of us talked and cried and set times when we would visit, and how we would keep each other posted. Late that evening, Corrines husband said that they didn't want visitors but that Corrine wanted to see us, and asked if we could come. I let him know we would be there in the morning.

Friday morning was extremely humbling for me. I arrived at the hospital with Bethany at around 9:00 am, and found the room where Corrine's family was waiting for her to get out of surgery. They rushed her in that morning to repair her legs which had been crushed in the car. I hugged Damon immediately and asked what I could do to help. I sat and listened as Damon explained the crash to me, and then told me how their precious daughter, Livi, had saved her mothers life. During the crash, the engine of the car was pushed right into Corrines lap. It ruptured her uterus and Livi's body fell out of the uterus and was pressed up against Corrine's organs acting as a human bandaid and preventing her mother from bleeding to death. At that moment, Damon's father introduced me to baby Livi, and put her into my arms. I sat and cried as I held Livi, looking at this beautiful and perfect little infant who was due in just 6 short weeks. The tears came even more as Damon bravely said "maybe that was her purpose in this life - was to save her mother". What strength he had! Livi was perfect and tiny at just over 3 lbs. She has curly hair the exact shade as her mothers, and she has her fathers ears. She looked so peaceful and I half expected her to start breathing and wake up. Corrine was still in surgery when I left, but I promised I would come back to visit today.

Corrine and Damon are two of the most wonderful people in the world and they spent years trying to have a baby, and after 6 artificial inseminations were blessed with Livi. My heart aches for them at this time, knowing how much they wanted her in their family. The thing that impressed me the most, is the strength that Damon had. Undoubtedly this is the hardest thing he has had to endure, losing his unborn daughter and almost losing his wife... and yet he was strong. I know this is because of their Faith in God! I felt some comfort knowing that because of their temple blessings, that they will be able to live with Livi again, and she will be a part of their family forever.

It really made me start to think about my own family. Travis is not a member of the LDS religion, thus we are not sealed in the temple. I couldn't help but think that if that were us, what would happen to our child? Who would she live with in the next life? It kept me awake last night... I'm not sure how to react now and what to say to my dear husband... but i'll let you know.

If you're interested in following Corrine's story - please feel free to follow her blog!

Whew!

Today we got some good news! Travis was approved to start working by both FINRA and the State. I am SO happy! I know Travis is too! It's been a long two months for him! Now he's in a crunch to hurry and lease an office space, get his office set up, and start contacting his clients. I guess I should have enjoyed all of the time we had together more - cause I'm pretty sure now he's going to be working LATE!

It'll be worth it! Yay! Such a good way to start May!

Look What you Did.... You Little Jerk!

Yeah, I'm a jerk! I feel absolutely horrible! My husband got a call this morning saying that the State of Utah doesn't want to let him practice financial advising/investing/planning or anything. He looked at me and said "This may be the end of my career." He had tears in his eyes although he didn't cry (unless he did while he was in the shower - or while I was in the shower) - I know he is frustrated and feels like a failure!

I feel bad because here I am complaining about how he's home and I can't get anything done - and my poor husband's career may have just come to an end. Boy did I have to eat some humble pie this morning - and even though I really like pie - this one didn't taste very good.

I'm sorry honey - I love you and I will be as supportive as possible - and I won't complain anymore! Promise!

updates...

Well, the end of March sucked as much as the beginning did. Travis was "let go" from his job on the 29th of March. I was kind of surprised - but not too surprised. It was a pretty darn strategic plan on his employers end. The company suspended he and his business partners for 30 days, and on day 27 they fired him. They told him they would fill out his U-5 when they got a chance, but they have 30 days to do so. I figure they'll take the whole time to do that - it gives the company 60 days where Travis can't contact his clients, and another month possibly before he could get a job after his license is re-posted.

Luckily, his U-5 was posted yesterday. He is still able to be in the financial advising field which is good for him. He loves it, and he is good at it. It's unfortunate that a lack of training and a full-on "witch hunt" cost him his job. But he is looking for a new job. When I say looking, I'm using the term loosely! He had a 4 hour long interview with a company a couple of weeks ago - and now that his U-5 has been posted, they should be able to make a decision. In the meantime, he waits.

I, on the other hand, work 2 jobs. I work all day, every day - and it never ends. School ends next week, but then I have to put in final grades and a week later - summer school starts again. I shouldn't be annoyed - but I am. Why put all your eggs in one basket? I would be sending out tons of resumes and making phone calls... not waiting on one possible job. Does it make me a bad wife that I'm frustrated and that my stress level has jumped from extremely high to impossibly high since the beginning of March? Yes, he is doing things around the house - cleaning the kitchen, laundry... not the bathrooms of course. But, I am having a hard time working at home because he is there. I love him, but I need my own space and some quiet (so i can rock out to my own music) while I work.

I am trying to be understanding, and respectful, and supportive - but it drives me nuts that he doesn't do things the way I would do them (in terms of finding a different job). Ugh, I feel like a horrible wife!

On the bright side - Spence left yesterday. He went to the Provo Utah Mission yesterday, where he will serve for 12 weeks and will be sent elsewhere afterward. He was SO happy to go! Of course he requested I make enchiladas for him on Sunday, and that we have Cheese Pizza on Tuesday night before he left. He is such a good kid! I'll miss him!

Sneak Peek...

My family did family portraits a couple of weeks ago - and this is a sneak peek of some of the pics - I'll show more when I get the disc from my mom! If you need a photographer - Heather Telford - is amazing! She did such a great job! And we LOVE the pics so far!

You know what they say about March...

It comes in like a Lion and Out like a Lamb....

Our March definitely came in like a Lion!!! This month has been so trying on me mentally and emotionally! Travis and I started out the month with the shocking news that he had been suspended from work for 30 days... There has been an investigation with Travis's business partners that I don't really have any details or information about other than the fact that it wasn't anything Travis did - He can't contact his clients - He's not working for 30 days - and he's afraid he will be fired. Such great news to hear right?! Travis is taking it much better than I am! I was in shock and didn't know what to do or say. When I saw him later that evening he said it was beyond his control so he wasn't going to worry about it. He is so much better than I am. I worry about it all the time - but that's how I am - I'm a worrier!

I picked up a third class at the end of February and have really gotten in to it this month - and it has been horrible! Teaching 3 classes is too hard for me to do, and to have my job as well. It just is a lot of extra work that I am having a hard time squeezing in. Not only that, but the students are SO rude and annoying! I never turned in assignments late - and I never argued with teachers about the grades they gave me! I don't understand how this is seen as okay for them! I'm your teacher and if I don't think your paper followed the requirements, and if I don't think it is an A paper - I won't give you an A. It's as easy as that! Oye! One student also tries to question me on everything I say, and tries to correct me as well - luckily, I'm kind of smart and I show up prepared so he doesn't get anything on me! Ha!

With the legislative changes that happened - I am trying to determine if I am going to be able to keep my job or not. I love my job - I love the individuals I work with and I'm not ready to move on yet. However, with the increase in caseloads that was approved I find myself questioning whether or not I can provide quality service to more individuals. And with the decrease in pay, I find my self really wondering if my difficult caseload is worth dealing with for the small amount of money I will be paid. I am trying to think outside of the box and find other things - but I love this population... More Stress...

On the other side of my job - my caseload is going crazy! I have clients running away, clients throwing tantrums, a million reviews, mountains of paperwork, Audits coming up, and the list goes on and on. No wonder I am stressed - I can't have even one weekend without a client calling because they're angry, or sad, or are running away, or whatever... I do love my job - I just wish my caseload would settle down!

We haven't really told anyone yet, but we are trying to get pregnant. The past few months have been spent doing ovulation tests and all that grand stuff - only to find out I'm just not ovulating at all, and we need help getting pregnant. Now we are at the point where we have to figure out who to see for help - what will our insurance pay for - how much can we afford to spend on fertility treatment - how far are we willing to go to have a baby and all of those other questions. We knew it was likely we would need help, this only confirmed it for us. Every time we find out we aren't pregnant, poor Travis has to deal with me. I'm getting used to it and am trying not to get my hopes up - but every month I get hopeful and then disappointed. Is it awful that I feel like less and less of a woman and wife every month that goes by? I guess things happen for a reason, we just have to figure out where to go from here.

On the bright side - we celebrated our One Year Anniversary this month! I can't believe it's been a year already! We have had a big year! We spent our anniversary weekend in St. George. 5 days doing absolutely nothing! It was so awesome! We didn't do nothing really, we watched Grey's Anatomy, we went out for dinner/lunch a few times, did some shopping, got in the hot tub... but really we just took the long weekend to relax and unwind from the stress of the month. It was a nice Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and when I tried to take Monday and Tuesday off as well - it didn't happen. I was emailing, calling, etc. people all day both days - so much for a nice long relaxing weekend!

This week Travis is in California for a business conference. This is the first time we have been away from each other since we started dating - and the first time I have slept alone since we have been married. It is so weird... Luckily, my husband is wonderful and texts or calls before and after the conference, and during their breaks. I miss him - and so do the dogs! They keep looking for him and kind of get annoyed with me when he never shows up! Sorry guys!

Travis is hoping to find out about the fate of his job by next week... The decision will either make or break me! Emotionally anyway - if you see me with big puffy red eyes and no makeup, with my hair in a messy ponytail... just know it didn't go well. I think I take these things too personally - but how can I not?! He is wonderful and stresses about me stressing about him - real productive I know!

So, after the month I've been having - you can see why I'm anxious for it to end! Let's hope it goes out like a lamb!

The Newbolds

Last night Travis and I had some friends over for dinner - the Newbolds.... boy do we love them! They are SO much fun! We had a great time with them last night! Dinner was yummy, Dessert was yummy, Rock Band was super fun, and Parker.... I just LOVE Parker! His laugh was KILLING me! He is such a cute and happy little guy - and his laugh made my day! It kind of make me a little baby hungry too... Dianne and Kiley - Come over ANYTIME! We had a great time! Oh, and if you ever need a sitter for Parker - Lucy and I would LOVE to play with him!

I put on my big girl panties...

As most of you know, I graduated in August of 2009 with a Masters degree in Social Work. After graduating with an MSW - you have to take a National exam to become a Certified Social Worker. This exam costs $175.00, is 170 questions, and 4 hours long. Good times right?! Not so!

I have horrible text anxiety so of course I didn't want to take it! Can you blame me?! You have to get a 70 to pass - and statistically speaking - Nationwide only about 70% of people pass it on their first try. Those are pretty good odds - but I was convinced I would be one of the 30% that had to take it again. I know of several people from my Masters Program who I know are MUCH smarter than I am - that didn't pass their first time. But, I also know several people who are not as smart as I am (boy do I sound arrogant) that passed their first time. So, I really didn't know what to do.

Around November last year I started toying around with the idea of taking the test. I pulled out all of my study material - printed around 500 pages worth of study guides - and borrowed study guides from other people.... and didn't crack them open until January of this year. Around mid-January I decided I had to be serious and take the test. The only way I would do that is if I scheduled the test and had it already paid for and then I would be forced to take it! So, I registered for the test.... A few days later I got my registration letter in the mail telling me that I was approved to take the test and that I should schedule a day and time to take it. So, I put on my big girl panties and called and scheduled to take the test on February 16th thinking it was over a month away and I would have plenty of time to study!

As the weeks passed leading up to the test - I tried to study, really I did. I made some flash cards, I took several practice tests, I read an entire study guide/manual, I studied between meetings in my car, I studied at home, I studied at UVU while waiting for my classes to start, etc. I felt like I was studying as best as I could -and amazingly, February 16th snuck up on me and all of a sudden it was here! I felt horribly unprepared for this test - I kept getting 68%'s on my practice tests! If I failed I would have to wait 6 months and pay the $175 again to take the test. Needless to say I was having tons of anxiety!

I decided to put matters into the Lord's hands and asked my dad and brother for a priesthood blessing - I just needed to be able to sleep the night before and be able to concentrate long enough to take the blasted exam! My ADHD was going to seriously impair my ability to sit still for 4 hours in order to take the test! The blessing was beautiful and I was told that I would be able to relax, and concentrate, and that I would be guided in taking the test as long as I was prepared.

That evening I did a drive-by so I knew where to go for the test, had some sleepytime tea and went right to bed. I fell asleep after about 30 minutes (which is really long for me) and slept soundly until the alarm went off! I got out of bed not feeling nervous at all - after my shower that was another thing. I had some oatmeal for breakfast and some tension tamer tea as well, and off I went. I registered for my test at 8:15 and started by 8:30. About two hours later I answered the final question on the test. I had to take a lame survey (no doubt intended to make you freak a little longer) and then a page popped up - I expected to see in giant letters You Failed, or You Passed. Instead, I had to read down half of the page to see where it said "Congratulations, You have passed the ASWB Clinical Social Work exam" Woot woot! I about passed out! You can't imagine the relief I feel now! It's amazing! So, it's official - I am a CSW now... in 2 years I will become an LCSW!!!

Therapy anyone? I'm cheap! :)

Eight days...

My little brother Spencer has been home for eight days now. He has started therapy already, and will see a psychiatrist for med management next week as well. He is such a good kid, and he is terrified. He is afraid that people are going to judge him because he is home. He tries to avoid people at all costs - he hates going to Harmons now, and doesn't want to go to his home ward. I know it's because of how awful the experience was when Brian came home early from his mission as well. People can be so mean. I know that some of the people in my parents ward have good intentions - but please - just stop! Let Spencer deal with the things he needs to deal with. Don't bug him about going back out - don't make assumptions - and don't pass judgment. It's interesting - in a church where we are taught to love people unconditionally and not to judge people - some of the members are prejudice, gossipy (is that even a word), and downright rude! Mind your own business people!

ANYWAY - other than that... things in my house are going... they aren't going well but they aren't going poorly either. They're just going. I'm still doing WW with my good friend Vicki - so that's good. She is definitely a great support. The Thursday night WW teacher is AWESOME and helps keep me from getting discouraged - and motivates me! It's nice! I'm still teaching at UVU. Tomorrow morning I have my first formal evaluation in the middle of the semester. It's a little scary - but it will be good I guess! This weekend is a nice long weekend - yay for Holidays! Travis and I will probably go out for dinner and to a movie for V-day. On Tuesday I have a big hairy exam to take. I don't feel prepared for it, but part of me thinks I'll never feel fully prepared for it. I asked Travis if he would be mad at me if I didn't pass the first time. (It's a $175.00 exam) He responded by saying "You're going to pass! And if for some strange reason you don't - it's just money." It made me feel a lot better - not great - I'm still nervous as heck. Boy has the anxiety been intense for the past 6 weeks! Also, I'm waiting to find out about a piece of legislation that will determine whether or not I can keep my job. It's been a long few days trying to figure out what will happen! I guess it could be worse right?!

Travis is doing well - our 1 year anniversary is coming up quickly! We don't have any plans yet - but any suggestions are welcome! I'd like to take a nice short vacation - especially since neither of us have had a vacation since our Honeymoon! I'd take a weekend anywhere right about now! We will see what happens! The dogs are doing well... There really isn't much more to update on! My life is pretty lame!

My Little Spencie

This is one of those posts where I'm not sure how to start... or what to write exactly... or anything really... But I feel like I need to get this out since it's been consuming my every thought for the 6 days...

I'm sure you remember my little brother Elder Spencer Doty - serving in the Belo Horizante Brazil mission?! Well, for the past few weeks he has been writing me every week and telling me how anxious and depressed he has been. I have been supportive and loving. I've prayed for him and I've sent words of encouragement. Last Wednesday, I didn't get an email from Spencie. I figured since it was Transfers week, I would hear something later in the week. That evening, my sister Melissa called me and asked if I had gotten an email from him and I told her no. She told me that nobody had, and that my parents had been called in to see the Stake President that evening. I knew it wasn't good and told her to call me as soon as she found out what was happening.

Late that evening my little sister Shayla called me and told me that Spencer's anxiety and depression had gotten worse and that the Mission President thought he needed to come home. My parents were going to talk with him in the morning and figure out what would happen. The next morning they called him and spoke with him and had determined that Spencer would come home as soon as possible. Unfortunately, as soon as possible isn't until Wednesday.

I can't tell you how many tears I have cried for Spencer. He will come home on Wednesday and will receive treatment for his anxiety and depression. He wants to be in Brazil so badly, but his anxiety and depression has made it nearly impossible for him to go on this way. He is planning on going back to Brazil once he has everything under control. We don't know how long it will take - but we know that he will get better. He is coming home for a good reason - and he wants to go back out. We will just see when that will be.

My heart aches for Spencer. I know he is scared to come home! Unfortunately, my family has experience with a returning missionary, when Brian came home from his mission after only 6 months. As much as we thought people would be supportive there were rumors spread about Brian and the reason he came home. They were all wrong - and eventually the bishop had to get up in Sacrament Meeting and tell everyone to stop gossiping and that Brian was home under the direction of a doctor. My parents spoke with their bishop and let him know that they wanted him to address the issue of Spencers return and stamp out any misconceptions before they start. I guess he talked to the ward on Sunday and let them know that Spencer will be home for treatment for depression. Unfortunately - some people hear what they want and have said inconsiderate things to my family. Spencer is a good kid and he is doing what is best for him right now. Why can't people just accept that?!

The past 6 days have been tormenting as I've prayed and cried and struggled to understand what I can do to help Spencer. The sad thing is, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. Should I be happy to see him? Should I be sad that he is here? I just want to be supportive because I love him! I'm hoping that when he comes home - he knows that we love him and care for him. I hope he understands that we will do whatever he needs to make sure he can get the help he needs and return to Brazil as soon as possible. He is such a wonderful kid! I hope others can see that and will be compassionate and loving and helpful and supportive.

I love you Spencie!

Happy Birthday Love!

Today is Travis' birthday! I just thought I would take a minute to tell you a few things that I love about him!

* He stays in bed in the morning to cuddle with me while I still sleep instead of getting right up
* He doesn't mind doing the gross stuff in and around the house
* He never complains about my cooking - and sometimes lack of cooking
* He humors me and wears the clothes I buy for him
* He uses the flashlight to look at my throat when I feel sick
* He watches cheesy television shows and movies - just because I like them
* He learns the lingo and uses it during those cheesy shows
* He loves me even though I'm a mess sometimes
* He encourages me to talk when I'm frustrated
* He wants to hear anything I have to say - even if it doesn't make sense
* He is 100% supportive of me, my work, hobbies, etc.
* He works hard to support our family (even if it is just the two of us, and the dogs)
* He knows I'm half crazy and loves me anyway
* He knows my family is crazy and still likes spending time with them
* He teases me and pokes fun at my little quirks (and my big ones)
* He is thoughtful
* He is loving
* He loves his family and supports them
* He is the kindest man I have ever known

I am the luckiest girl alive to have snagged this man! Travis, I love you! You're amazing and I'm so happy to be able to spend the rest of our lives together!

Try a Little Harder

It's hard to believe it's a new year already! Wow! Time flies when you're having fun right?! I've already really recapped what has happened in 2009 for Travis and I - and I don't want to bore you but I'm going to list a few things here... for posterity's sake!

* We got Married!!!! March 14th - the best day of my life!
* In May Travis joined a Team at Ameriprise Financial - he has enjoyed work much more since!
* We bought a house!!!! June 10th we signed the papers to our cute home in Taylorsville!
* I Graduated with an MSW!!!! August 4th - it took FOREVER to finish but boy am I glad I did!
* I left the State in July and started with Support Coordination Services of Utah in August!
* Also, in August I started teaching at UVU
* November & December - we spent our first Holiday's as a married couple!

A lot has happened for us... hopefully 2010 will bring some more exciting things to our lives. Because it's the new year, it's time for more resolutions! I don't know how I feel about resolutions in general - but I think one goal will sum up everything I want to accomplish this year - my goal this year is to Try a Little Harder! I won't go into everything this encompasses because it would take forever and be insanely boring - but I figure if I try a little harder - things will continue to be amazing in our lives! Here's to 2010 and trying a little harder!